Keeping you a Secret
by Alice-Cullen-Fan-18
Summary: Bella is broken hearted when Edward "abandons" her in the forest. Only Jacob can take away her suffering but will it be enough? Can a broken heart still be mended? Who can save her from herself? Oh, you know it's Alice. Alice/Bella femslash.
1. Dreams & Nightmares

Every night, she would lie there, wrapped in the cover of darkness which was like her protective shield, a barrier enabled to protect her mind from the torture she was now felling. The girl who had once been somebody was now a nobody. Everyone whom she had once known had noticed a significant difference in her...behavior, how she would shy away from anything regarding the Cullens' recent departure, how she would hang her head and how her eyes seemed so lacklustre; like a black shroud had been drawn across them and blocked all light, merely hoping that people would acclimatize to it. She would grief silently, mourning a loss she knew wouldn't return. In some bizarre and blasé way, it was worse than death.

The girl who lay before me did not sleep and I watched her with my heart splintering into thousands of little pieces. It was true, a frozen heart could still feel, still bear the pain and heartbreak that I was feeling for this tortured girl right now. She screamed a muffled sound into her dampened pillow where her tears had alas ran dry while her legs thrashed unconsciously in the air, as though she were trying to block something, or rather _someone_. She hugged the pillow with both hands, tears streaming uncontrollably down the sides of her pallid cheeks. It took me everything to sit here and not _do_ anything. I wanted to calm her, and tell her everything would be alright. That wouldn't happen though.

'Edward,' she screamed and her voice burned with a feverish resentment that could not be mistaken. 'I loved you Goddamn it! Don't _leave_ me!' I remained where I was in my hiding place and heard a bittersweet snarl slide between my now clenched teeth, hearing the hurt in the girl's guttural voice. The screaming, the thrashing, the constant tears that would fall; it had awakened the beast within me. I would see to my _brother _about this later. He hadn't just hurt her. He had shattered her. Her heart was hollow and empty without him. She was bleeding to death; a slow painful death that was killing her from the inside out. The poor girl was beyond repair. She couldn't be fixed up like some deranged motorcycle. She _needed_ help.

My friend was dying in front of my very eyes and I was allowing it? Why? _Remember your promise _I thought and in my head, I heard Edward's voice as clearly as though it were being spoken on a TV screen. _"Don't be looking for her future Alice,' he'd told me." We've done enough damage. Let Bella be. She'll move on in time. That's all she needs – time. Please don't look for her. It will kill you too."_

But my promise was only as broken as the girl whom I'm sad to say had once been my best friend. I hadn't obeyed my command though technically, I'd never completely agreed to it. I had seen her in my imperfect visions – alone at the computer and writing emails (to me) that I would never receive because Edward had ordered me to change my email. I saw Jacob Black also. He seemed nice. He was like an antidote for Bella, helping her cooperate through the day and leaving when night fell. He made her feel….healthy. Somehow, she appeared brighter when she was with him and I can't say I hadn't enjoyed seeing her returning to the person we'd once known and loved. Her face would light up and colour would warm her cheeks. She would smile and he would wrap her in his arms and they would laugh. Jacob was healthy for her, healthier than Edward. But even _he_ couldn't keep the wretched nightmares that plagued her mind everyday away.

I wondered idly what she was seeing – what was so terrifying in her nightmares – and cringed away from the thoughts. Edward was not here for her but who said _I_ couldn't be? _Screw the promise_ I thought aggressively. Her window was open, the same as every night and I leaped agilely through it, landing on the floor with a light "thud". Bella continued to thrash and flail in her sleep and I crept closer to her bed, wanting nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and soothe her open wounds. '_Alice!_' she cried, surprising me again. Her voice fell to a gradual whisper. It wasn't angry or even bitter like before. Was it pleading? I couldn't put my finger on it.

'Don't…..leave…me….again. I….I…' For a moment, I thought she had awoken but her eyelids twitched and I realized she was still dreaming, but of me? _Oh Bella. What has my foolish brother done to you?_ I walked towards my thrashing friend and took her cold hands in mine, which were just as equally cold. She winced at the sudden temperature of my skin but did not stir. A small minute yelp escaped her lips. It was too much to bear. Then slowly, I bent down and kissed her tenderly on the forehead, allowing my lips to linger over her for longer than was probably necessary. Bella….stopped.

Her legs were motionless on the bed and the stress-lines ceased from her forehead almost instantaneously. She rolled on to her back, breathing out a small sigh of relief, and instantly relaxed. She slept peacefully, at last. Despite my aching thirst, I stayed with her on the bed, watching her sleep for a long time as her chest rose and fell at a steadier pace.

'Oh Bella,' I sighed after a while. 'I wish I could tell you. I wish I could tell you how hard it's been, how my heart aches to see you suffering this way. But I'll stay true to my promise Bella. I won't leave you again. I can't. I….love you so much.' _More than you'll ever know_ I added silently. 'That's why I can't leave. I'll be with you forever Bella.'

It felt good to finally speak my thoughts aloud, even if _she _couldn't hear them right now. Yes, somehow, someway, I had fallen in love with my best friend – Isabella Marie Swan. And she didn't even know. I wasn't sure how long I sat with her for, watching her chest rise and fall, but eventually, inevitably, morning crept subtly into the room. My body sparkled magnificently in the blinding sunlight, shimmering like a thousand diamonds in a rock pool of crystals, each catching the light a different way and despite my better efforts, I knew Bella would be waking up soon and I would have to leave, ready to seize and triumph another day.

When night fell I would steal back into her room. Of course my brother was completely oblivious of this little ritual. Jasper – my late husband - had suspected as much but his lips were sealed. He would keep my secret so long as it remained that - a secret. And could Bella know? The multiple pecks on her cheek, the way I'd held her in my arms wanting never to let go, how I'd always opted to spend the night with her when Edward had been unavailable, the way she'd made me feel inside; a feeling I felt forbidden to reveal. _Could _she know?

I sighed as I turned to leave. I headed towards the still open window, glancing at my peaceful beloved once more and then leaping gracefully out of the window. But what would be the fun in that? I somersaulted as I fell to the ground, landing on my feet and not even having dismayed my spiky black hair. Any human walking past would have been mystified by my performance but the area was without a soul, as I knew it would be.

I glanced up at Bella's window and headed for my – _no_ - Carlisle's shiny black Mercedes. This was the bit I hated most – leaving (again). How long could this ritual last until someone realized my absence? Would Rosalie realize my carefully guarded charade and tell Edward? But as blond and beautiful as my sister was, I didn't think she was _that _stupid. Nevertheless, I knew it had to come to an end sometime in the future.

Edward would see in my thoughts. Maybe self-consciously, I hoped Bella would wake up one of those nights and see me for what I was and _want_ me the same way I wanted her, the same way _she_ had once wanted Edward. Did that thin line still exist? There was a thin line between love and hate and that is what they had endured for the past three years since my knowing her. There _had_ to be some kind of balance. I wondered which possessed her now, the unbinding love she'd felt when they'd been in harmony or the undeniable hate she'd felt for him when we'd picked up and left. Fairy tales didn't exist in real life though. Any vampire who lived over a hundred years could tell you that. Even_ if_ she did, how could I inflict this on Bella? Wasn't she suffering enough without having to deal with my love for her? Bella would know someday, if what I was feeling for her, she was feeling for me but not right now.

I had seen it once, in a vision far beyond my capability: Bella and I, beaming with our arms around each others waists, only mere inches apart. I'd whispered something in her ear and she laughed a wind chime sound. In between giggling, I leaned forward to kiss her, teasing at first, and our lips locked. She closed the distance between us, pressing my body against hers and holding me there while our lips mashed together in perfect harmony…..

I grimaced as this vision now clouded my indecipherable thoughts. Would Bella ever be mine? Who knew? Anything was a possible and besides, wasn't I optimistic? I hit the accelerator, reaching speeds of eighty and beyond as I sped back to my "new old" hometown. The road flew away beneath the tires.


	2. The Truth

'Hey, you're back!' I heard Emmett exclaim as once I was safely home. Home was like a reminder of our new founded sorrow. Emmett and Rosalie, by far the most flamboyant couple I had ever known had recently taken a second-honeymoon (which was not very surprising). Esme was upset over our loss as a mother would be. Carlisle, although in line with his practicality and leadership was significantly withdrawn, and Edward was…..suffering. He did not speak with us and often sought out Tanya's family in Denali, sometimes staying weeks at a time although when he returned, he looked none the better, despite what dear Esme would tell him.

He hunted when he was thirsty and went to school, just like the rest of us but something had changed and the cause was inevitably Bella. Because we all missed her; even Rosalie seemed less spiteful and bitchy. She would flinch noticeably when Bella was mentioned and would often change the context of our discussion immediately, her eyes looking far away. Could Rosalie be missing the human she had once despised? Had her resentment towards the venerable human been mistaken for something else? Surely it wasn't love. Maybe it was friendship, although Rosalie had never been afraid to speak her thoughts aloud and she had made it clear from the very beginning that she wasn't Bella's biggest fan.

I was of course surprised to see Emmett home so early, as he was for me. His face lit up like a little kid's on Christmas day, excited to the extreme as he came towards me. 'Alice,' he exclaimed jubilantly. He flung me seven feet in the air, I being so much shorter than him and I laughed a little shakily. When he put me down, he grinned the grin I loved seeing him wear the most, because it reminded us of better times. Somebody needed to keep the place alight.

'Where have you been?' 'Just driving,' I lied smoothly. He didn't look very convinced so I added 'You know, checking out the sights.' 'Yeah, they're pretty boring, aren't they?' he chuckled. I grimaced. 'You are such a kid Emmett! The sights are beautiful. What're you doing back early anyway? Where's Rose?' 'Unpacking,' he replied and frowned, as though he were thinking something distasteful. 'She wouldn't let me touch anything; kinda freaky that way. Anyway, the sun was getting a little much. People were beginning to get suspicious. So we fled. Rose was really pissed when she found out. So what's going on with Edward now? Is he still in "unpleasantville"?'

Edward – God. The guy and excuse the cliché, was a complete train-wreck. Our leaving Bella had done him not the better either. They were like two blundering, grievers! He had resulted to his "old-traits" as per say and hadn't touched his beloved piano since us leaving Bella that fateful day in the forest. I hadn't even said goodbye. She must hate me too. I sighed as we began walking towards the big white house which was our new home.

'He's none the better. He's with Tanya right now. I haven't heard from him in weeks.' 'Ah,' Emmett replied. 'Well maybe she can sort him out. God forbid, the guy needs something.' 'Yeah,' I replied doubtfully, 'Maybe.' If I could sound less optimistic, I didn't think so. Emmett frowned at me, a pucker forming between his forehead and his lower lip threatened to jut out. 'And what about you Alice?' he asked spuriously. 'C'mon Alice, don't give me that look. It's obvious on your face you miss her too.' 'Yeah Em, I miss her; more than I should probably.' _A lot more_. I went on, babbling now. 'I just hate what's he's done to her. She's a dead monotone inside and I'm sorry to break it but it's _our_ fault. She needs help Emmett and it kills me to see her….' 'It's okay, I understand,' he replied sympathetically, sensing my unease. 'You do?'

He cracked a smile. 'In all honesty, no but I can emphasize and I do want to be here for you. You don't have to keep secrets from me Alice. I love you and as your biological brother, I want to be here when you need me. Wow that does sound clichéd doesn't it? Promise me you won't tell Rosalie I said that!' I laughed once without humor, a monotone in the airy stillness. 'You're secret's safe with me, Emmett,' I promised him. 'Yeah, about that,' he said, sounding serious again. This was unusual. 'I think we need to talk face-to-face and don't worry sis, we'll keep it formal.'

What? Oh Shit. When I got my hands on_ her_…

_Soon After_:

'You told him?' I exclaimed incredulously, my voice wide with disbelief. I was outraged that she would tell _Emmett_. We were in Rosalie's bedroom with the door locked, as though we expected someone to barge in and we would have raise our hands and surrender. But doors weren't sound-proof. Anyone could hear the steel rattling in our voices.

Rosalie sat at the peak of the large duplicate bed, a look of remorse showing on her painfully beautiful face. Emmett stood beside her with his arms casually crossed, a question daunting in his unfathomable eyes.

'Why? How? When did you know this?' I all but shrieked at them although my anger was mainly directed at her. 'So it is true then?' Rosalie replied defiantly, eyebrows narrowed in reproach and refusing to answer my original questions. 'You love Bella?' Her voice broke. I nodded slowly, confirming her fears and pep-talking myself to calm down, before _accidents_ would arise out of the blue. Shock re-crossed Rosalie's exquisite features and she worked to re-compose her casual expression. 'I love her,' I said, avoiding their prying eyes.

'Whoa!' Emmett boomed with a nervous and slightly off-hand chuckle. 'Is this why you've been acting so strange recently? My sister and Bella – wow! Just wow.' I heard Rosalie snarl under her breath, a sound that appeared to ricochet around the entire room. 'It's not funny, Emmett! This is serious.' 'And you told him?' I demanded, infuriated. Rosalie frowned and puckered. 'Relax, _sister_. Edward doesn't suspect a thing. Only Emmett and I know. And all you did was confirming what we already know.'

I breathed a sigh of relief at this explanation. I knew or at least hoped I could trust Emmett and Rosalie with my slowly unraveling secret but Edward would know. If he didn't see in my mind, _they_ would have to slip up at some point. It only had to last a second but he would indeed know the truth behind my mysterious ventures in the night, I telling them I was going away to hunt. It was a lame excuse, one I'd expected them to see through, but they'd fooled for it, which had surprised me. I guess they had been preoccupied in their own interventions. Edward would see _everything_, including this conversation. It was inevitable. Wasn't it better I told him now than having he finding out some other way via somebody else's mind? No, it would be much more painful. I would have to do it myself. You didn't send a boy to do a man's job, did you? I couldn't counter his reaction – nobody could – only that it would be essential in the aftermath. One of us _would_ walk away from this, hopefully_ in_ pieces, and one of us would have the girl. What other option was there to behold and consider? It had to end. I had to end it, today.

'You should tell him,' Emmett whispered. 'What?' Rosalie hissed. Ignoring Rosalie's outraged demand, he looked down at me with a hint of a plea in his voice. 'You should tell him,' he repeated. When I arched a brow, he went on. 'How can he begrudge you for loving another, Alice? I know it sounds crazy but if he truly loves her and if you're what she wants, he'll let her go. Trust me on this, please. I can see it in your eyes, Alice. This can't go on any longer. You love Bella. He has to know.'

I smiled wistfully, seeing the truth and trust in his magnificent eyes. I peeked under his elbow at the beautiful porcelain woman on the bed who was until this moment, motionless. It was like walking into a museum full of statues and with somewhat perplexed expressions on their faces.

'Rosalie?' She shook her head once, no longer angry. 'I don't know,' she admitted. 'I don't want to see either of you hurt. But I guess we'll find out. He's home Alice.' As though to confirm this, I heard his Volvo C30 rev outside the window, sounding almost as angry as he would soon be. There was momentarily silence and then a car door slammed shut. Four pairs of eyes whirled to face me, all with expectant expressions and I nodded.

'Let's do it.'


	3. Confessions

Edward was unhappy; that much was easy to tell. His face was hard as stone, eyes cold, but the remorse was still there, shadowing his face like the bleakest mask. He was a stranger toward us, not the same man we had once known, and that made me think twice about my decision. Emmett nudged me encouragingly, a smile forming on his frozen lips, and I took a deep although unnecessary breath. I streaked down the stairs, a figurine of black hair, and found him standing in the kitchen. Edward's eyes widened briefly and I thought I saw something – a light - flicker in his eyes at the sight of me. I'd always been his "favorite" sister.

'Hey,' I said causally. He nodded in greeting. 'How was Denali?' I asked. _Stupid! Why don't I just tell him and get it over with? Crap! _Edward's eyes were lackluster as they surveyed his surroundings and there was no mistaking the emotionless uncaring in his voice as he spoke. 'Good. Tanya was pleased to see me.' 'I think she likes you,' I teased dryly. 'Yeah, I know. She doesn't try and hide it either. But I like brunettes.'

He laughed and we both fell silent. Ugh; I hated silences, especially these awkward ones. They made me uncomfortable. Inside I was warring with myself. _Tell him damn it! Tell him the truth right now_. Edward frowned, seemingly perplexed. 'You're unhappy,' he stated bluntly. 'So are you.' 'Do you want to talk?' he asked politely. Ah, always a gentleman. A pang of guilt hit me. 'Yes,' I said tersely. 'But I'm afraid you won't like the outcome.' He didn't answer, just waited patiently. I thought his voice sounded a little more energetic. 'It's Bella,' I began.

His face betrayed him of his emotionless uncaring. His eyebrows shot up in surprise and what I could only describe as agony crossed across his usually composed posture. 'Is she….' he began and trailed off. 'I….err…..went back to Forks. She doesn't suspect a thing but she's hurting Edward. _Listen to me_!' I added when I saw he had turned his face away, looking towards the window.

'She's hurting bad. And I couldn't pretend that she didn't exist. She's too involved now. What we did to her was wrong, Edward. You have no idea what you've done do you? She deserves much more than you. She deserves better and let me tell you Edward, it's killing her. So now I'm making a stand. You can say or do what you want and I won't care but you should know it won't change the way I feel about her.'

He'd let me ramble on and on and only his face gave him away. His eyes tightened like a cats slits and I heard an unmistakable snarl rip through his clenched teeth, low and raspy but I stood my ground. I wasn't afraid of him. I was only afraid of his outcome. I had not foreseen this. 'What are you saying Alice?' he growled, speaking the words with slow precision. 'I'm saying that I _love_ _her_,' I exclaimed. 'And nothing you say or do will change that. I'm not asking you to accept this. I'm asking you to let her go.' 'What?' he spluttered. 'You can't be serious!' My voice was like steel when I answered. 'I am and I'm sorry for this Edward, really. I didn't _mean_ for this to happen. But I can't pretend these feelings aren't real. I _want_ Bella and I'm prepared to give her what _she_ wants.'

Registration now crossed his features, followed quickly by resentment. '_Vampire,' _he snarled in his head. I nodded without blinking, hearing his inner-thoughts. They weren't very pleasant. 'Can you see what I'll do?' he demanded. 'No,' I replied. 'You haven't decided yet. But you will. You seem to be forgetting that _you_ left Bella, Edward, not me. You can't undo your pathetic actions. It's too late!' 'But you can?' 'That's different,' I countered. '_How, Alice_?' He snapped the words in my face, spitting each one of them. I grimaced, smug now. 'Because I'm not the one who _broke_ her heart, am I?'

Yes and how could he possibly argue with that? I could feel him scanning my thoughts and remembering last night, hearing my words and the urgency in them, seeing how Bella responded when I touched her, seeing me sitting there with her cool hands in mine. I looked up at his face but he was no longer looking at me. His face was expressionless but I could see his decision was more corroborated by the second. 'And Jasper?' he asked. His voice was resigned, composure no longer bitter, but his eyes were still wide with disbelief. 'He knows,' I replied calmly. He nodded slowly, still undeceive and I sighed.

'Do you love Bella?' I asked. His eyes flickered warily to my face and away again. 'Of course,' he answered. 'Do you want her to be happy?' 'Yes,' he replied instantaneously and for the first time since our argument, his voice was a little lighter. He suddenly looked a hundred years younger, a little less mature and a little less responsible. That's right: he was coming back!

'All I ever wanted was for her to be happy. I only hoped I could be the reason that caused that happiness. Now, I guess not.' 'Then I think that's our answer,' I replied softly. His eyes uniformed mine. He agreed silently, unable to speak the words out loud. 'Thank you,' I told him. 'You are a good person Edward. Remember that, okay? I wouldn't want you to lose yourself.' 'Yeah thanks,' he uttered.

The tension was almost unbearable. I wanted to say something comforting, like "God, this is melodramatic!" but I knew it wouldn't be inappropriate so I kept my mouth shut. We stood in silence for a moment. Part of me wanted to run back to Forks and I knew in my thought that's what Edward would see. Another part wanted to stay here and comfort my brother because deep down, we both knew he hadn't done anything wrong. He was only doing what he thought was best at the time. And he could not possibly stand in the way of Bella's happiness. I bit my lip in anxiety. One of us had to break this silence, right?

'So Tanya huh? She's…..hot.'

Oh, Shit!

I planned to leave at dusk but my family insisted that I stay and break the big news. Edward had said "We should tell Carlisle and Esme". Emmett had cheered and clasped me in a tight embrace that even_ I_ couldn't break free from. 'I'm so proud of you Alice!' and Rosalie had smiled politely, supportive of my decision. By the time I had finally left and got in my Porsche, it was quarter to nine but I was determined to finish this tonight. I felt oddly tired, not physically because obviously, we couldn't sleep but mentally drained of energy. Occasionally I would scan the prolonging future but I could not see Bella's forthcoming reaction. I hit the accelerator, doing seventy, in a hurry to be with her again, just to be able to see her and feel her, her warmth, her body, her silky lips….No, I was getting ahead of myself. Now I had temporarily resolved my issues with Edward, I had Bella's to attend to. Did she love me? To that though I had no answer and that scared the hell out of me.


	4. Reunited

I reached Forks in less than twenty minutes and came to a sinuous stop outside her house. I looked towards the window and sighed as I cut off the engine. I sensed Charlie and Bella were having dinner.

Through my inhuman ears, I could almost hear the distinct words of what they were saying. Casual banter. Bella's voice was hard and even and I swelled to hear her voice once more.

'So how was school?' Charlie was asking in his low husky voice. 'It was OK, I guess,' I heard Bella reply. 'The usual.' 'Humph. You haven't seen Angela and Jessica in a while. Why don't you invite them over someday?' There was temporary silence. Charlie sighed. 'This really isn't healthy for you Bella; you know that. Edward isn't comin' back. I mean, it's been four months.'

I could imagine Bella's reaction. She would instinctively stiffen and her face would crumple in pain, as it always did when someone mentioned _his_ name. 'It's not _him _I'm missing,' she grumbled.

My eyes widened in disbelief. Wasn't him? Who was it then? Jacob? Jacob Black?!I listened harder, straining to hear whoit may be, but Bella was quiet again, as was Charlie. They made small talk, nothing too specific: school, Jacob Black (_ugh!_) and football.

Bella's voice was a dead monotone, no longer melodic or cheerful. I wondered what she was thinking now, who she was missing, and if that someone was me. But that was ridiculous, wasn't it? I sat in my Porsche for a long time, letting the soft sound of music become a noise in the background, as I waited for Bella to be alone again. Time seemed to drag on and on. I heard the faint sound of a TV switching on and guessed Charlie was watching the Sports Channel. Bella stayed with him a half hour later and it pained me to have her so close and yet not be able to see her.

'I think I'm going to hit the sack,' I heard Bella say. 'Sure,' Charlie replied. 'Er, sleep well kay?' Bella laughed humourlessly. 'Yeah, I wish. Well, night dad.' 'Goodnight,' he whispered.

I heard Bella's heavy footsteps as she crept up the stairs. She changed into a tank-top (which revealed a whole lot of cleavage) and some loose-leggings. _Oh god! _How I longed to have her lips on mine, to feel her irresistible warm and trace the contours of her face while our bodies moved rhythmically together…….I waited another ten minutes and then slid out of my Porsche. This temptation and suspense was literally killing me.

Like the night previous, I had no problem scaling the tree outside Bella's bedroom which I had sometimes seen Jacob use in my visions. Thinking about Jacob…….in her _room_…_ Relax Alice! _Yes and I really should. But how could I with so many thoughts and unanswered questions prolonging my thoughts?

I peered through Bella's window and smiled to see her again. She was wearing an MP3 player, supposedly tapping her foot in time to the beat as she browsed tentatively through her large collection of Jane Austen books. _C'mon Bella! Look at me. I've been waiting for you so long. _ Could fate hand me this much; to have Bella safely wrapped in my granite arms like old times? Was that too much to ask?

Bella was oblivious of my presence though and I groaned internally. I scrutinized her expression, trying to be subtle about it. I thought she looked…..better. Colour flooded her cheeks and I noticed how lively she swayed her hips to the music and how she then blushed at her own embarrassment. It was really quite adorable. But through this charade, I could see deeper, see into her pain and anguish that was still very much a part of her. I _should_ have been here for her. I sighed as I watched her, in no mood to wallow in self-regret, like my brother had once done. I _could_ change the future. I _would_ make things right between us. And if she could love me like I loved her, I would be complete.

Bella yawned and I watched as she crawled into bed, wrapping the duvet over her torso. She stared across the room at nothing in particular and I swear the saddest look crossed her face and her eyes seconded the notion. Her eyebrows pulled together and I watched her bite her lip in anxiety.

Her eyes flickered towards the window and away again and…..yes, she had missed me. One of us had to do this right? I _was_ going in. I stole silently through her window and landed on the wooden floorboards in a graceful crouch, arms slightly outstretched, fingers curling and uncurling in apprehension. A pair of chocolate brown eyes whirled to face me, wide with disbelief. Her eyes lit up in anticipation, eyebrows widening and a huge grin stretched across her face. 'A-Alice,' she whispered. And right then, I felt my heart melt.

**Aww!! Aren't they cute? So I got up at 7 this morning to finish this thing! Eek! So what do you think? Please post your reviews! And hugs to all who have subscribed and reviewed. I've got some angst coming up! **


	5. Empty Promises

'A-Alice,' she whispered, barely able to form a coherent sentence. Have you ever felt so happy you just wanted to explode and scream your insane happiness to the entire world? Because I swear that was what Bella was feeling right then. The expression on her face told me more than words _ever_ could. Every tendon in my body froze. I could feel Bella's eyes fixating on the side of my face, the warmth emanating from her lustful body, the pure joy and relief that washed over her now cascaded over me as well. I was home.

I turned to face the venerable human, who was sitting up in bed and leaning towards me with a small, replicated smile on my lips. My eyes travelled lavishly across her body, her hips, her _thighs_, her legs, and finally up to meet her gaze for a long moment. She motioned towards me, lunging almost with her arms out-stretched, that coy smile still enlightening her face in excitement. I felt my own lips turning up at the corners in recuperation.

Bella shrieked as she slipped on….something (!)….and my waiting arms caught her before her head could hit the floorboards below. She sort of fell into me, wrapping her arms tightly around my body so that they almost reached my shoulder-blades; pulling me the ever closer to her, and her sudden strength surprised me. I guess it was the exuberance. I stooped. A sob burst from her lungs, muffled against my shoulder and I kissed her hair in comfort.

'Shhh,' I soothed gently. 'I've got you Bella, I've got you. I won't let you go.' Another sob burst through her lips. I wanted to hold her close and wipe away her tears although I supposed I could settle for less for now. I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist and felt her body shift in return. 'I'm….sorry,' she blubbered. 'I'm just….I….I missed you so much.' 'Likewise,' I replied. 'And I'm sorry too. But I promise I'll always be with you Bella.' 'I wish I could believe you,' she sobbed.

I felt her body shudder against mine and warmth so pure and strong coursed through me, seeping into my bloodless veins and causing my whole body to ripple with unwelcoming pleasure. Could she – did she feel it too? The tension was over-whelming. We were here, body against body, waist against waist, hip against hip, breast against breast, my lips but an inch from her face. I leaned forwards so that my lips grazed her earlobe and whispered in them 'You can.'

Oh boy! Was I coming on strong or what? What must Bella be thinking? I quickly withdrew myself so that I could see her face. An expression that I couldn't quite pinpoint washed over her. 'Alice,' she mumbled, refusing to meet my gaze. 'I'm, um, cold.' 'Oh.' I realized what the problem was and reluctantly stepped backwards, giving her some space. She clutched my hand in panic and I stared up at her questioningly. 'Will you…..hold me?' she asked and a blush about as red as a tomato crept up her face and flooded her cheeks. Typical Bella! 'Of course,' I replied, ignoring the burning thirst in my throat. I didn't need to be told twice.

She crawled into bed, inclining me to do the same, and wrapped the duvet over us both; not that I needed it of course. I held her tightly in my arms, making sure not to touch her bare skin so she would not get cold again. I held her for a long time, enjoying the serenity whilst it lasted.

'Are the others…?' she began. 'No,' I replied. 'It's only me. I wanted to come.' 'You did?' she asked. 'You sound surprised.' 'I guess I am,' she sighed. 'I mean, I thought you were never coming back. I've been a mess for weeks Alice. If not for Jacob, I don't know how I would have survived. He's sort of my best friend now.' Best friend? Wasn't I supposed to be her best friend, the one she came to for guidance and support, the one who was always supposed to be there for her? Ah. And there was the flaw right there. I guess I couldn't blame her but I still winced.

'Jacob, huh?' I tried to say his name casually but my voice betrayed me, eyes I'm sure were cold-hearted. 'Do you like him?' 'What? Oh, as in like him _like_ him? I don't know Alice. I haven't even gotten over Ed-Edward. And Jacob's not really err, marriage-material. He's my best friend. That's all.' 'Well, I'm glad you've got him,' I replied, my voice full of serenity. She grimaced, and I added 'But marriage material? That's a huge step, don't you think?' Bella frowned then.

'It's not _just _that, Alice. When Edward left, he took everything with him, everything that had ever mattered to me, and that included you Alice. You were my best friend for the longest time and then BAM!' She smacked her hands together, initiating her point farther although my eyes remained on her face. I saw her eyebrows narrow in reproach. 'You were gone just like everything else. No goodbye, no phone-call, nothing. You could have sent me an e-mail. And h-he was gone. I needed y-you in my hour of need Alice and you let me down big time. Jacob took _your_ place a long time ago. I-I'm sorry; I know this m-must hurt but I think it has to be said. We've all messed up. And now you're back and oh God, I'm so happy but we're acting like nothing ever happened? How can I trust you again? If you're going to stay, then stay but please don't make empty promises because nobody I know can fulfill them.'

Her words cut through me like a steel blade, shredding my heart to pieces and though they made sense, I hurried to defend myself. 'Because I-I never left,' I exclaimed. 'What do you mean?' she demanded, suspicious now. 'I mean, I couldn't leave you,' I explained more slowly. 'My family and I, we missed you and yes, even Rosalie but you mean everything to me Bella. I checked up on you and went against my word and I hated seeing you suffering like that Bella. I-I couldn't leave you. I'm here to stay, I promise. You have to believe me.'

Her eyes widened at this realization and remorse now shadowed her guilt-ridden face. 'You mean everything to me too,' she whispered, the words barely legible. She pulled me a little closer, seen as a friendly gesture but to me, it meant so much more and to her, it meant so little. More than she would ever realize. Technically, we were snuggling. 'So what do you want to talk about?' she asked cautiously. 'Nothing,' I replied. 'It's 1am.' She eyed me suspiciously, arching an eyebrow. 'Promise not to leave?' I stared at her. How could she still doubt my motivations? I guess it was understandable. I nodded and said 'I promise.'


	6. Fun & Games

**You guys are great! Thank you so much for your reviews. Hugs to all! Keep 'em coming! :-) **

'How bad was it?' I asked tentatively. I was sitting at the kitchen-table with Charlie who was sitting opposite, a cup of untouched coffee lay on the table mat, which I was skilfully ignoring.

To say he had been surprised to see me would be an understatement but I had explained my reasons and he had accepted them, as I knew he would. As far as he knew, I was on a short business-trip and was simply checking up on Bella, who had also accepted my reasons. I hadn't said how long I would be staying, but he said that I was welcome to stay as long as I liked. And unknown to him, that would be a very long time indeed.

He now looked down at me with remorse gleaming in his ocean-blue eyes. Behind his pain, I could read the depths of his mind; see secrets he was not yet willing to impart. His expression was carefully reserved, as were his eyes. Yes, he was definitely hiding something.

He sighed a little warily and slumped in his chair, eyes flickering nervously upstairs and then to my face. 'I'm sorry,' I apologized. 'I know it must be hard.'

'No, well, _yes_,' he replied resignedly. 'But you deserve to know. For months, it was like…._she_ was a totally different person. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, wouldn't talk. She woke up screaming every night. It was like somebody was killing her from the inside.' I cringed at that, remembering the way she had thrashed and kicked under the sheets, the endless tears streaming down her pallid face, the _screaming_.

'It was torture Alice,' he went on in a hapless voice. 'I wanted to help her, I did, and I suggested she go stay with her mother – Renee - in Arizona. It was like something "clicked" in her mind then. She threw her clothes everywhere, shouted, and utterly refused to go. She said she "liked" it here. So she stayed. She did her homework on time, went to school, and for a while, I thought things were gettin' better. Jacob was, _is_, healthy for her. She needed him and he was there for her. But she wasn't the same Alice. She was dead inside. Her eyes were so lifeless and dull. And all I could think of was "this is his fault". I don't hold a grudge against you for what happened obviously. You were always a good friend to Bella. But she said it wasn't him she was missing. So what was I supposed to think?'

My eyes widened at this. It wasn't Edward? She wasn'tmissing _him_? Could her love for my brother possibly be mistaken for something else - friendship? Was she confused? The obvious explanation was the one I longed desperately to believe and yet it made no sense. Had her grief been misread? Was it _me_ she had been missing? I remembered that night I had crept stealthily into her bedroom, remembered my surprise when she had screamed my name. '_Don't go_,' she had pleaded. _'Don't leave me again_.' Her words echoed melodically in my head over and over again and a surge of electricity shot through me. I jolted in my seat. Had she not realized her true feelings? Did she still not recognize them? Or was it simply a charade?

Despite the direness of this situation, I smiled. Charlie faulted, pausing only to examine my face and then continued. 'She's obviously pleased to see you. I just hope this isn't a bad idea. She's been through a lot lately.' 'I know,' I replied. 'I do too. But I'm not going anywhere. Don't worry Charlie. I'll be there to catch her if she falls.'

At just that moment, I felt my eyes glazing over as a vision formed in my head; clear as crystal. _Bella……falling…out of bed!_ 'Alice, Alice!' Charlie called urgently when I didn't respond. I opened my eyes and stared at his worrisome face for a long wondering second. 'Sorry,' I said hastily. 'I must have been er….daydreaming. I should go check on Bella.' 'Oh, well, sure,' he answered. 'See you in a few. I have to get to work anyway. Oh and tell Bella I say hi.'

I nodded and headed for the stairs as fast as my legs could carry me while trying to maintain a "human semblance". I swung open her door and heard her groan and then gasp as I seemingly appeared out of nowhere in the doorway. Her face lit up the same as last night, a wide grin stretching mischievously across her face. 'Hey!' she cried jubilantly.

'Hey - Bella!' I cried upon seeing what was happening. She slipped from her bed and landed on the rug with a rather loud "thud". She groaned audibly and rolled on to her back, staring up at the ceiling and then at my face as I appeared over the top of her. She laughed a little shakily, eyelids only half open and still drunk with sleep deprivation.

'You OK?' I asked. 'I'm fine,' she answered, struggling into a sitting position. I realized my arm was around her waist to give her support and I hastily pulled back. She smiled bashfully as she turned to face me and then snorted with laughter.

'_What_?' I demanded petulantly. 'Nothing,' she smiled. She started to get up and I pulled her back down, clutching at the hem of her top urgently, a playful smile on my lips. 'Tell me Bella.' 'No,' she spluttered. She got to her feet with a grin and I chased after her, enjoying this immature game of hers. She laughed when I grabbed at her top again and landed on the bed, I with her. Well, on top of her to be exact.

'Now are you going to tell me?' I asked as I shifted my weight. She laughed underneath me. 'Yeah. It's just…. I could never do stuff like this with Edward you know? We were always so serious. Sometimes I think our relationship was doomed from the start. I always felt I had to prove something to him but with you, it's just like this; carefree. I missed you, you know.' 'I know,' I replied. 'I missed you too. But I wouldn't have come if it wasn't for a reason.'

She smiled slightly, lips curving upwards. 'So what do you want to do today?' 'Whatever you want to do,' I replied. 'Honestly, does it matter?' 'No but I think I need a girls night out, or in or whatever.' 'You wanna go shopping? Rent some movies? Pick up some food? Or, er blood?' she asked.

I stared at her incredulously. She was transforming in front of my very eyes. She laughed at my baffled expression. 'I'm that bad, huh? C'mon, it'll be fun….ish. You wouldn't let me buy anything off the rack, would you?' She pretended to wince in horror at that. I smiled and playfully punched her shoulder.

'Ouch!' she cried when I punched her a second time. I immediately pulled back, alarmed. My eyes flickered up to her smiling face. 'Bella!' I groaned. 'Gotcha,' she laughed. She sat up and sighed, straightening her top as she did so. I realized she wasn't wearing a bra and hastily averted my gaze.

'Um…..' 'What's wrong Alice?' she asked. 'Oh god! Did I bruise my back?' She partially lifted her tank-top so that I could see her waist, her perfectly smoothed curves, and I felt my body convulsing with electricity, feeling as though this frozen heart should still be beating. '_No_,' I exclaimed. 'I mean, you should check in the bathroom. You'll have a better view.' 'But I can't _see_,' she protested. 'C'mon Alice, just look at my back.'

She lifted her top and I forced myself to stare at her back and not anything else. Inside, I was warring with myself; uncontrollable feelings fighting precious thoughts. 'Anything?' she asked when I didn't respond. I touched the small of her back and felt the warmth and she yelped in surprise. I hastily withdrew my hand and stared up at her face. 'Accident-prone remember?' she said and pointed towards her chest. 'How could I forget?'

She grimaced as she turned to face me and I forced myself to look at her beautiful face. She swept a hand through her hair, pushing it away from her eyes, and stared intently at me. No, no, no! How could I slip up now? I felt my eyes turning downwards and groaned internally.

'Did you?' she asked. 'Did I what?' 'Forget?' 'Forget what? That you're a danger-magnet? No.' 'No_ Alice_,' she replied and I sensed a hint of desperation in her voice. 'Did you forget about _me_?'

What? How could she think that? I longed to tell her the truth, tell her how I'd stolen through her window night after night and wanted only to wrap her in my arms, how she made me feel inside whenever I was close to her, how I had never stopped thinking of her and how I despised my brother for leaving her in this ruined state.

'Bella,' I whispered. 'I _never _forgot about you.' I reached forwards and stroked her cheek. 'How could I?' She smiled at this and reached up to take my hand in hers. 'Thank you,' she said. 'Does he….' 'No,' I replied. 'He was with…..Tanya for a while then he came home a couple days ago. Personally, I don't think he can stick the woman.'

She sighed and dropped my hand like a stone. 'Yeah, well he obviously couldn't "stick" me. I can't say I expect to hear anything from him by now.' 'Bella, I didn't mean it like that,' I protested. 'Its fine Alice,' she reassured me. 'And I don't think I love him any longer. It's been five months so maybe this is for the best. But I needed _you_ Alice. I've been kinda lost without you.'

_Oh Bella_, _I need you too! More than you'll ever know_. I clutched her hand again and squeezed it tightly. 'It's OK Bella. I know we can't take back what we did but please know I didn't want to leave you that way. I'll be with you for as long as you want me too Bella; promise. Call it a life-sentence why not!'

She smiled although it didn't reach her eyes. I could still see uncertainty flickering across her face and I hated seeing mistrust shadow her face like the blackest night. Where had my brightest moon gone? She examined my face for a long moment and then sighed.

'You know I said I need a girl's night out? I wasn't kidding. I think I need a break from werewolves and vampires for a few paltry hours. So let's just go out and have some fun, okay?' I nodded happily; glad to have my Bella back. _My _Bella_?_ That had a nice ring to it! 'Yeah Bella, sounds great,' I enthused.

And so my moon had returned.

**Wow! So this took me ages to write! Hope you enjoyed it and please review! **


	7. The Mall Escapade Part 1

**Here ya go fans! Sorry for the wait. Again, please review! It inspires me to write moar!! Muhahaha! OK, I'm done. **

The dull sky gradually opened up and the luminous clouds slowly separated from one another. A blinding sunlight cascaded through the gaps in the clouds, creating a sea of beautiful light in the distance, right where we were heading. The air was crisp and the sunlight blinding although not warm enough to enable shirts and shorts.

It was a cool day but we drove with the top down on the convertible, doing seventy, and music exploded from the rear speakers. Bella smiled as she drummed her fingers to the techno beat, face alight with anticipation. Her hair streamed out behind her, occasionally catching in her eyes, but her smile only broadened.

I glanced at her in my peripheral vision, embraced by her unending beauty, and thought back to my conversation with Edward only two nights ago. "_You have no idea what you gave up. She deserves much more than you." _Could I _be _"more"? He had been wrong to give this beautiful creature up but would she want me the way I wanted her? Wanted her so badly that it hurt my insides? How long could this possibly remain a secret? How long could I remain in denial when all I wanted was to have her juicy lips on mine and know that she was truly mine. Yes, I was a keeper.

'I can't believe I'm looking forward to this,' Bella said suddenly, breaking me out of my reveries. I stared at her blankly for a long moment, still enveloped in my own thoughts and fantasies. _Not good Alice_ I thought with a smug grimace. I thought about that and wondered what this meant to her. Bella _hated _clothes-shopping with a vengeance and I had been a little more than amazed that she had suggested it. Cliff-diving was more her foray. But who was I to complain? A shopping trip with your best friend? No, what could possibly go wrong?

In what seemed like far too soon, we had arrived at the mall. Bella stared at the entrance six cars away from us and the masses of people rushing to get in and out, some of whom were carrying five or more shopping bags, all of which had designer-labels printed on them. Bella's mouth fell open in shock (or horror I supposed), her face flushing bright crimson.

'Deep breaths Bella,' I teased with a nervous chuckle. 'Yeah, _right_,' she replied with no trace of humor in her tone. I sighed. 'You sure you want to do this?' I asked. 'No,' she replied with a grimace. 'But let's. I've got to do this Alice.' I smiled widely and hooked my arm through hers.

'That's the spirit,' I chimed. 'Don't worry Bella, I'll keep you safe.' 'Yeah,' she laughed. 'Because that's what _all _vampires do! Keep the petty human safe from the humans. What is this Alice, vampire insurance?' 'You wish!' I replied.

She laughed dryly, but her eyes were solemn and lackluster, the light that had once seemed so bright now so dead; a burnt-out flame that would never return to its former glory. Or would it?

The mall was shopping-heaven, supported by a grand domed ceiling, complete with metal panels, fluorescent lighting and aluminum flooring, it looked more like an airplane terminal. There were up to three floors, over one hundred outlets, toilets and several fast-food restaurants.

Each marbled walkway led you in a different direction, the first leading into the heart of the mall and all featured many designer-clothes stores of only the best quality and possibly some of the priciest designer-tickets ever to be found. Yes, the mall was a joy for locals and tourists alike, thus shopping heaven. But for Bella? I wasn't so sure.

We were fanned by several air conditioners of low intensity in the wide arc of a doorway. Bella breathed a sigh of relief, closing her eyes only momentarily and obviously enjoying the coolness, and then she gasped at a sight in front of her. I, however, retained the sudden urge to squeal in delight. Once, a trip out with Bella would have been a gift from the Gods, seeing as how she would spend every waking moment of time with Edward, or rather, how _he _would spend all his time with her. Watch her sleep and be "loyally" at her side when she woke up and so rinse and repeat.

For the longest time, I had not recognized my own feelings for this venerable human, whom Edward had fallen for and introduced to our family all those months ago. I hadn't realized why I felt so jealous whenever he held her in his strong granite arms always too tightly, or why I cherished every moment spent with her or why I missed her so terribly when she was gone from my life.

It had been a long time since I had finally realized – well, admittedreally – why I was feeling these strange and unfamiliar feelings and why for this girl whom Edward had once loved, and who had stolen my frozen icicled heart time after time. The only problem was _she_ didn't know it.

'Oh my god,' Bella gasped, breaking me out of my reveries again. I stared up at her face with what I assumed was a blank expression. She inclined her head towards the site in front of us. '_Oh_,' I replied. 'Cool, huh?' 'Very,' she agreed, genuinely interested.

I put on my best martyr face, determined to give this girl the day out she so rightfully deserved. And I would not ruin her fun. 'So do you want to start at Macy's? Or you know there's always Ann Tayloror Bella Boutique,' I began with an exuberant smile. 'Whatever's good for you,' she replied. '_Seriously, _I know nothing. You lead the way Shortie.' 'Great!'

We walked temporarily in silence for a few measly minutes. While Bella scanned her newfound surroundings with suspicious eyes, I bathed in the luxury of the mall's opulence**,** eyeing the clothes in the windows with lustful temptation and profound desire that Bella seemed to lack heavily in the clothes-department.

Right now, she was staring, bemused, at a ghastly-looking pair of red boots with short heels; very Scarlett Johnson style. Sigh. _So much to learn._

'C'mon,' I encouraged, dragging her away from the shoes in the window and leading her in the direction of good ol' Macy's. The walkway here was a little less crowded with the lights being dimmer.

Two men, each with tousled brown hair watched us, their dull eyes becoming alight at the sight. They were wearing weather-beaten jeans of poor quality and tatty black leather jackets. They exchanged what appeared to be knowing glances and smiled rueful smiles.

'Check 'em out,' I heard one of them say, obviously the younger of the two. 'Yeah man. The brunette has gorgeous legs. Bet she'd be good in bed, eh?' 'Don't you know it brother? How 'bout the shorter one with the spiky black hair?' 'Meh,' the older replied. 'Too pale for my liking. I like a bit of colour in 'em.'

I hissed under my breath, not at the comment directed towards me but at the one aimed at Bella. _Nobody _messed with my girl!! I gritted my teeth in anger, battling the urge to go tear them apart and glanced warily up at Bella's face. Her hand was only an inch away from mine. Her fingers grazed mine for only a second but it was enough. She was staring at a store on our left, clearly oblivious of the gangly strangers who were fast approaching.

'Hello ladies,' the older said as we approached. 'What?' Bella's head snapped up at the sound of the man's voice. She stared at the two men with narrowed eyebrows, that pucker forming between her forehead again. 'I've got this,' I mumbled in a low under-tone but my voice was too stressed to be of comfort.

'We'd, um, like to take you two ladies out to dinner tonight. Would you mind escorting us?' the stranger began in a deep husky voice. 'No thank you,' I answered. 'Wedon't do dates.' 'Well then, I'm sure you'd do us. What's the matter darlin'? Not your types are we? Not good enough for ya are we?' His smile became a grimace, eyes dark and brooding.

I clutched Bella's hand in mine, sensing her distress and never refocused my gaze. 'Our types are women,' I replied sharply. I could have laughed at their reaction. Their eyebrows shot up in surprise, lips pursing together, eyes widening at this realization, which I realized was probably true as well.

I didn't wait to see their reaction though. Instead, I gripped Bella's hand tighter in mine and led her farther from the men and into civilization although my grip never slackened. Part of me was actually enjoying the sudden proximity and the heat radiating from her hand. Another part was angry on a level I wouldn't want to admit to or even show, especially in Bella's company. I glanced up at her face.

Her face was alight with excitement and anticipation. 'Oh wow,' she breathed. 'I can't believe I'm going to say this but that was bloody awesome Alice! You totally had them believing we were like, _together_. Ha, ha, ha! Oh man, we jumped them good!' 'You think this is funny?' I exclaimed as I whirled round to face her.

She stepped back, losing my hand almost instantaneously, and stared at me in shock, clearly taken aback by my outburst. 'I-I'm sorry,' she stuttered. 'I was just…the adrenaline you know.' I sighed. 'Yeah, I know and I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to take it out on you like that Bella. You know that right?' 'Yeah I do. It's okay,' she replied. 'Let's just get out of here.'

We headed in the direction of Macy'sone floor up but my thoughts were elsewhere, as were Bella's it seemed. I'd tumbled down the rabbit hole all right, plunged deeper and deeper into this unknown abyss that was the future until all light had faded and darkness had finally enveloped us in its thick shroud.

I couldn't help but think how time was slowly running out, like a trigger waiting to be pulled. It was only a matter of time now. Soon, I would wake up from this charade and face the dire reality that was unspeakably the truth. Because you couldn't live in a lie and pretend that everything was OK when reality would have it so differently. Even if the truth hurt like no other thing, it had to be done. Win or lose. Play the hand that is dealt to you. But sometimes, _you _have to deal the hand. Life's not all about winning and losing, succeeding and failing. It's about choices and the outcome of those choices, who knows? All I knew was that I had to make mine sooner rather than later.

Yes, time was definitely running out. _Tick, tick, tick Alice. Time's running out. _


	8. The Mall Escapade Part 2

Bella didn't speak of the incident again and neither did I. Besides, what was there to say? So what if I had told two street thugs that we were "together" as in the sense of being a couple? These were just words, words I now wished I'd never spoken but they meant more to me than Bella could ever realize because deep down, there was a strong and dominant part of me that wanted to say them and know that they weren't a lie. And she, Bella thought it was nothing more than a joke. Edward was right. Her mind _did _work backwards.

It was obvious Bella didn't suspect a thing and honestly, who could blame her? What would happen to_ us_ when the truth finally came out? I tell her and I'd lose my best friend, possibly forever? I didn't and I'd spend the whole of eternity wondering. Could we? Would we? Maybe, maybe not. Who knew?

And how did she feel about _me_? I sighed in exasperation; so many questions and yet so little answers. I had never felt so helpless in the whole of my immortal life. My bleak vision of the future – the vision of _us_ – meant nothing if she didn't reciprocate my feelings for her although I supposed there was only one way to find out.

We chose a shop that only sold designer clothes - nothing but the best. Bella glanced at me as we went through the wide air-conditioned doorway, a strand of her hair falling across her eyes and I forced myself to smile, shoving the inclination to push the strand clear of her face out of my mind and trying to ignore the oh-so-familiar feelings that were now welling up in my stomach again. And surely this would not be the last time.

The heat coursed through me and it was the same as before when I'd held her in my arms and felt her heart-beat race and then relax while I soothed her best I could manage. When I'd felt her grip my waist with an urgency while I held her in my arms under the sheets until dawn, comforting her when in reality, it was actually me that needed comforting.

I imagined what it would be like to take her in my arms again and yes, for her to take me, our lips only an inch or two apart, her breath hot on my face and mine on hers as our lips moved slowly closer and then parted against one another, moving now in synchronization like two live wires or two pieces of a jigsaw-puzzle perfectly matched for one another. The heat, the adrenaline, the ecstasy…._Oh God_

'_Alice!_' Bella hissed in an urgent-under tone. My head snapped up at the sound of her panicky-sounding voice and I stared at her, awestruck by this vision or er, fantasy.

'What's wrong?' I asked stupidly. Her eyes narrowed only slightly and if not for the seriousness on Bella's face, I would have laughed.

'You totally lost me. Did you see….something? You looked like you were in a trance or something,' she went on in an anxiously. 'Oh,' was all I could mumble. Yes, I had seen _something _alright, the only difference was I would not, could not tell her. Frustrating wasn't it?

'No. Nothing you need to be concerned about anyway,' I replied. 'I believe you,' she said. She stared at the shop entrance once more, her eyes flickering from left to right and right to left and finally, at my face again. She smiled thoughtfully.

'Anyway, let's do this thing! I haven't been clothes shopping since……' She trailed off and I knew what she was going to say. "_Since you left". _

That was it; four weeks since our quick departure, Bella and I had gone to Seattle one last time, three weeks before her 18th birthday, the day everything had gone oh so terribly wrong.

None of us would forget that fateful disastrous night. We all had our own distinct memories of the event, each unique but all of the same essence.

Mine was of seeing Bella being thrown across the room by Edward's hand, slamming against the side table and then falling to the floor in a crumpled, bloody mess amongst the broken shards of glass, some of which was sticking awkwardly into her arm. I shuddered at the thought.

'I know,' I replied. 'Don't think about it, okay? We're here now so we might as well enjoy it, right?' She nodded in agreement. 'Right.'

We shopped for hours! Bella was uncharacteristically keen; pleased to go into whichever clothes-stores I wanted and was happy to try on whatever clothes took her fancy. She insisted she pay for her own clothes but I assured her that my credit-card could afford it.

I was bewildered as to why she was so…._happy _and always it seemed with a content smile on her face. I was also enthralled and I certainly wasn't going to complain. We had come here for a girl's night out right? Well, that's exactly what we were doing. And why ruin it by asking?

Setting my own feelings aside, I too was happy to laugh and for her to link our arms together, much to my delight and unexpected pleasure. We beamed at one another; eyes alight with anticipation while several customers eyed us with suspicious beady eyes and of course, that only made us – or rather Bella – laugh harder.

'Whoa!' Bella cried, her arm still linked casually to mine and that coy smile still playing at the corners of her lips as the ground slipped from underneath her. She went down hard, landing with a soft "thud" on the wet marble floor.

I was at her side in less than an instant, my face closer to hers than was probably necessary but I didn't much care.

The breath flew from her lungs, hot on my face and her sweet fragrance washed over me. I felt my own throat burning up, remembering the taste – the _smell –_ of human blood that night so many months ago. But in my mind it was still clear, still…..reachable.

No.

No.

No.

_No!_

I could have screamed the words at myself_, _screamed them until my throat was sore and blood-starved and I was drowning in my own self-grief, horrified at the monster I was slowly becoming. I stared at Bella's curious face, my Bella, the loveable clumsy human whom I had foolishly fallen in love with, and I shot back in alarm. She was my prey and I was her hunter.

So this is why Edward had left. To protect her from us; the hunters, the predators whom lurked in the shadows at nightfall and posed as something else by day. But we weren't unconscious monsters. We loved the Swan girl. _I _loved her and yet as much as I cared, I was still here, risking everything just to be close to her, to touch her, feel her, and talk to her.

Was it selfish of me to want her? Was it selfish that I wasn't leaving right this instant and preserving her life while it remained? Bella _needed _protecting; from vampires and werewolves alike. She was a magnet for danger as she had proved so many countless times in the past. She needed someone and I needed her, now more than ever.

So where did this leave us now? If I were ever to have a physical relationship with her, did that mean I was jeopardizing her life? I knew I could maintain self-control – I had countless times in the past – but what if I slipped up? What if _she_ paid the price for loving me?

A vision occurred to me then: Bella dead in my arms. Her human body was limp and lifeless, face pale and drained of blood with her eyelids only half-open. Her eyes did not blink and were seemingly frozen on my face, the chocolate now a dull and heavy brown while her mouth was aghast in a wordless scream. I was cradling her limp body in my cold granite arms, seeing and feeling tears that I knew would never fall. I saw me also; saw the blood – _her blood_ – staining my white blouse, my eyes glowing a vibrant crimson….

_No._

I snapped out of this horrific vision that I could not bare to watch, shocked. 'Alice!' Bella exclaimed with one arm outstretched towards me. 'Bella!' I cried with relief seeping subtly into my voice. 'Are you OK?' she demanded. Oh sure, she falls down and she asks if _I'm _OK? Typical Bella.

'No,' I replied honestly. She grimaced and pulled my hand away from my face. 'It's OK Alice,' she soothed in a placating voice. 'I've got you.' _And never let me go _I added silently.

She leaned my head comfortingly across her shoulder, not caring about the staring passer-bys and ran a shaky hand through my tousled spiky hair. A ripple of pleasure coursed through me at her feathery touch, feeling her hands in my hair but I was unable to enjoy it.

She held me for a while, trying as best she could to comfort me until eventually I tore myself away from her warm luscious body. She stared back at me. 'Um, there's a Starbucks close to here. Are you hungry?' I asked. 'A little,' she admitted. 'You?' I only half smiled. 'Nothing I can't manage.' She smiled a genuine smile and helped me unnecessarily to me feet.

What were _we_ like? As soon as one of us began to fall apart and crumble to pieces, the other was always there to guide and catch and vice versa. That was one of the many reasons why I loved this girl and why I couldn't force myself to give her up. Heaven and Earth would not keep us apart for long, not as long as she lived and breathed. We would always find a way back to each other. I was like her salt and she was my pepper. They, very much like us could not survive efficiently without each other.

We walked to Starbucks in silence, always remaining close together. Bella glanced at my face several times in her peripheral vision, worry blazing in her eyes and I could sympathize.

To our relief, the small fast-food café was not crowded. Many of the visitors were sitting inside, sipping their lattés and chatting without a care in the world. We sat outside at one of the many circular metal tables farthest from the shop entrance, watching the world pass by before us.

Bella ordered for herself a diet Coke and sat opposite me at the round table, trying and failing to examine my carefully reserved expression.

'So,' she began as she clenched and unclenched her fists, looking down at the table. 'You have something on your mind. You can tell me the truth Alice. I won't judge you.' 'I appreciate your honestly,' I replied. Something innocent crossed her perfect smooth features. 'You're not leaving are you?' she demanded suddenly. 'No,' I exclaimed. 'At least I don't think so.'

She clutched my stone hand from across the table, squeezing tighter than I thought possible and held my gaze there for a long lingering second. 'Alice, don't leave me again,' she pleaded. 'Please don't.' 'I won't,' I promised. She paused for a second to decipher my expression and then realized it was honest.

'Can I ask you a question?' she asked as she gingerly sipped her Coke. 'Of course,' I replied. 'I'm an open book.' 'Good because….' Sip. 'I want some answers. The truth and nothing else right? Edward.'

I flinched at the sound of his name and she saw it. 'What do you want to know?' I asked. 'The truth Alice and it's simple.' She registered my guilty expression and immediately drew back. 'I'm sorry,' she added. 'I…don't mean to throw this on you. I just want to know…..why did he leave?' Ah, this would be simple then. Good. I couldn't blame her for asking.

'Ah wait. He didn't tell you?' 'No,' she replied truthfully. 'Well, I don't know. He said that I'd never have to see him again and that this was probably for the best. He said it'd be like he never existed. And well, look how well that one turned out! I thought he loved me Alice. And do you know what? I was wrong and I have only myself to blame for that.'

'No Bella,' I cut her off sharply. 'This isn't your fault. He – we didn't leave because we didn't love you. We were trying to protect you. He thought he was doing what was right at time. And Bella, if you got hurt due to one of us we could never forgive ourselves. I know you think you can protect yourself but you're still human and obviously, we're not.' 'But you're still here,' she amended softly.

I nodded in agreement. 'Well yeah. I'm not afraid of a little risk. I regret giving you up.' '_You do_?' she asked, astonished. I wanted to laugh at her expression but my lips were a thin line. 'Of course,' I replied. 'You're the best thing that's ever happened to our family. We were happy. _He_ was happy.' She smiled at that, displaying her teeth jokingly and I felt obliged to return the smile.

She laughed a slightly obnoxious laugh. 'Bella, my smile is not like that!' I laughed with her. 'No you're right. Because who doesn't love seeing a row of sharp venomous teeth? I've always wondered why you vampires don't have any fangs you know.' Now I laughed slightly hysterically. 'Hollywood doesn't get much right does it?' She shrugged nonchalantly. 'Hey. Can I ask you another question?' she replied, serious again. 'Shoot,' I said with a toothy smile.

'Why did you come back?' she asked. _Nice. How about "because I'm madly and deeply in love with you and you don't even know it yet!"_ I grimaced at that, playing out a scene in my head; the one where I tell her I love her and she feels the same way about me. _Keep on dreaming Alice_ I told myself darkly.

'I didn't,' I corrected after a moment's silence. '_I_ never left you Bella. And secondly, I-I….' _Say it Alice! Let her work out the meaning. Say it now! _ 'I still love you,' I said. She looked up at my face, staring into my eyes for a long moment. I let her see that I meant them, more so than she probably realized.

'Come here,' she said softly. She leaned across the small table, pulling me into an awkward but tight embrace but I felt more than happy to comply despite the table being annoyingly in the way. I wrapped my small arms tightly around her shoulders, pulling her as close to me as was possible and fearing what I knew was now coming.

_Never let me go_ I thought.


	9. Anger Management

**Hey guys! Sorry for the late update. I will warn you though – Jacob appears in this chapter. There's anguish coming up! Hope you enjoy it. **

Bella glanced out the black tinted windows and I watched her from the corner of my eye. I was concerned by her lack of communication although maybe that's because she was just tired. Tiredness was a trait I could not fathom in humans. All I had ever known was thislife and I could not remember my past much at all.

All I remembered was being in a dark padded cell that had encircled me like a cage, black, soulless and completely frightening – an asylum for those supposedly "mentally ill" or "mentally unstable", because I claimed to have seen impossibilities and have premonitions that could and couldn't happen, according to them. And then, just like the passing wind, everything was…….gone, forgotten, buried, however you want to see it. This was my second chance and I wouldn't have it any other way.

What happened at the mall stayed at the mall right? Bella couldn't know what I had seen, what I had _felt. _She _would _know. I made a solemn promise to myself that I would tell her and whatever the outcome, I would face it. And I had no choice about how Bella felt about me. The heart wants what the heart wants right? Hers had been taken by Edward for the longest time and now it was open to me.

I glanced at her face again, hoping to see something I knew wasn't there and even then, I would still be disappointed. Ugh, this silence was torturous. For once I was grateful for the gentle hum of the noisy engine of the Mercedes. It was oddly soothing, placating.

The car ride home was short and tense. I sensed Bella had something on her mind and when she was ready to talk, I would be here to listen to any or all of her thoughts. Maybe she was miffed by my cowardice at the mall. Maybe she was thinking of….him.

The Mercedes screamed to an abrupt halt outside Charlie's house. I sensed Charlie wasn't home yet and wouldn't be for at least several hours. He would go to Billy's and go fishing; it had already been clarified. Bella started to open her door and hesitated when she saw _I _wasn't moving. 'Alice, you coming?' she asked with a small and slightly obnoxious smile. 

But old-habits would get the better of me I knew. I hadn't hunted in over two days and Bella's blood was as of now singing for my mouth; bitter sweet, warm, with pulse throbbing. Yes, I needed to feed and urgently. 'Er, I've got some priorities to attend to first,' I replied. 'Do you mind?' 'No,' she replied casually as she got out of the car. 'I guess I forget about things like that. Do what you need to do Alice. Oh, and um, don't do anything I wouldn't do!' I laughed shakily and watched as she interpreted my expression. Her eyes were warm as she returned my smile. It seemed that's all we ever did recently. 'Bye Bella,' I laughed.

I hit the gas, pressing my foot hard on the pedal and leaving a stream of grey clouds behind me. I glanced in my windshield, hoping to see a distraught Bella on the sidewalk but it was empty. I was slowly earning Bella's trust back and as much as I wanted to be with her now, I knew I couldn't risk harming her if she fell or accidentally cut herself. She would be fine for a few hours I was sure. Maybe take a shower, watch a few DVDs – typical "human ordeals" that we vampires didn't empathize with. I smiled as I watched the speedometer reach eighty, glad not to be restricted any longer by Bella's dislike of speed. _15 minutes _I decided. What could go wrong in 15 minutes?

As a vampire, I had learnt long ago that we couldn't be picky. We had opted for second best, choosing not to hunt the prime food of our kind – humans, so we had no choice but to opt for animals, elk, mountain lion, bears; it didn't matter. Animal blood, although not as appetizing as human was still satiating and could sustain our thirst for more time. I could remember smelling Bella's blood but like the rest of us, we were now immune to its allure.

I tried focusing on my hunt, which I knew was vital to Bella's safety but my mind wandered to places I'd rather be right now, temping as they were. Here in the winding and breathtaking forest, three trails that no human had walked down led towards prey – elk, a squirrel perhaps. God, what had I done to deserve _this_?

I sighed a little impatiently, blocking all thoughts of Bella out of my mind temporarily and threw myself into the task at hand. With my legs pumping like those of a cheater, I flung myself towards the nearest over-grown path, following a scent I recognized well. At the sound of thumping hoofs not so far away, a low and bitter snarl slid between my clenched teeth.

The trail ended all too quickly though and led to a meadow with grazing deer, uninhabited by humans so yes, a hunting ground for _us_. I slowed to a crawl, barely scraping the dirt with my shoes. Here were fifteen or so deer with their blood warm and captivating my sense of smell instantaneously. My throat burned with thirst as if I were highly dehydrated. I stepped forward, hardly able to contain my aching thirst.

I gritted my teeth, growling against the uncontainable burn and flung myself at the nearest deer. The last thing I remember seeing was its startled eyes, full of fear. I put the poor thing out of its misery before it had enough time to even blink. In an instant, it was dead. My teeth ripped through the pink flesh while the others closet to us scattered. I alarm, their hoofs causing the earth to shake underneath me. My mind was concentrated on my prey and on its blood – it's warm, luscious blood that was as of now, pouring into my open mouth. And oh, it was sweet. It was….heaven.

I closed my eyes, not able to watch the energy and life drain from its body, and when I did; I saw something, something that would haunt me for eternity. Bella and I; only this scenario was being played a little differently and was painfully sickening. In it, I had my arms around Bella's upper waist, holding her secure while my inhuman teeth ripped through her highly fragile skin and found the pulse in her neck, watching her as the energy drained from her veins and into mine. I saw her futile struggle, her arms thrashing wildly, her skin growing paler and paler until she looked like one of us; I saw her_ die_. Her legs now motionless, arms limp, face lifeless and brown eyes oddly peaceful.

I shot out of this nightmare vision and stared down at the deer I was feeding on. Was my subconscious trying to tell me something important? Why was I being plagued by these horrific visions? Was Bella never _meant_ to be one of us? Of course she had been fixated on becoming like us but that was now past-tense. Plans changed. People changed. But did _she_? Would she want the same fate she had wanted back then; when Edward had been her "true love" and I had been merely her best friend? What if _I _were her killer? What if I could not contain myself if the time came? Was this what these visions were telling me? Did _I_ not have the inner-strength to change her myself? Bella had faith in me and believed that I could perform this task. She wasn't afraid of the risks, afraid that I would _kill her._

I shuddered at the thoughts and forced myself to concentrate on feeding. I hunted until I was overly full and my eyes glowed a vibrant golden hue but I was unable to go back home. Of course Bella would be getting worried by now. I could imagine her sitting on the couch; cell phone in hand, that little crease between her forehead and waiting. I waited until dusk and then slid skilfully into the parked Mercedes I'd left on the forest's perimeter. I leaned back against the black leather seat, letting my head hang back as I felt the reality finally sinking in. Here I was back in the "real world" seemingly with no worries and no fears ahead of me. I was the confident, optimistic Alice! But how long could I keep this façade going? Bella had known something was very wrong when I had shied away from her earlier today. It was only likely that she would want to know why. God, how I loved that girl but the same problem remained, she didn't know it.

I sighed a little half-heartedly and started the engine. This time I drove slowly, throwing caution into my driving for a change then allowed my thoughts to wander just a little bit. 6pm, Bella would be hungry no doubt and I wasn't exactly "master chief". I imagined myself cooking what could be seen as a "romantic dinner" and laughed at the inexplicable outcome: black vegetables, burnt potatoes and undercooked meat! One day, I would do that for a joke. Seeing Bella's face would be priceless I knew but such frivolities would have to wait for a later date. Tonight I would order in Chinese. Maybe we would watch a movie or something; do something "normal". God forbid I needed it. _Whatever makes her happy _I thought with a wry smile.

'Hey Bells. I hope you like Chinese and er……green stuff!' I called as I entered the kitchen later that evening. Her truck was parked in the driveway as per usual so I assumed she wasn't out search partying. She was probably upstairs doodling or listening to music on that ancient computer of hers.

'How do humans eat this stuff?' I muttered as a sarcastic afterthought. Funny how we considered human food to be disgusting when it was actually ours that fitted that description.

I half expected to see Bella appear in the doorway and make some obscene joke but all was silent. There were no doors swishing open and slamming closed upstairs, no usual cheery banter, no creaking stairways. And the silence was…..disturbing. I popped the Chinese down on the table and spun on my heel, feeling a surge of urgency when she didn't appear or respond to my voice.

'Bella!' I called urgently. '_Bella!' _ I immediately walked faster, my eyes scanning every room and every corner, desperate to find her smiling face once again. I looked in every room, _twice_, but it was clear she wasn't here. And neither was her cell phone. How could _this_ have happened? I leave for a couple of hours and the girl just disappears.

Great.

_Crap _I thought. I shouted '_Bella_,' and heard my voice conveying my newfound frustration. My eyes seconded the motion. Where the hell was my cell? Failing to find it in either of my jean pockets, I reached for the wall phone and dialed faster than any pair of humans eyes could follow, praying that she would answer. It rang once…..twice…..thrice…..and I slammed the phone down. I knew I was getting ahead of myself but in my mind, I was already seeing horrific scenarios playing out.

Bella would return when _she _was ready although I knew I could not relax until she was found and safe in my arms. If I were human, I would probably be having a heart-attack right now. The things that girl did to me were unimaginable. I walked towards the kitchen and eyed my surroundings suspiciously. My eyes fell on a note plastered to the kitchen freezer and no less in her handwriting.

"Alice, gone to La Push. Back later, Bella".

Well that would explain why I couldn't _see _her. And I sure as hell wasn't going to let her walk home alone in the dark. I remembered last time she had tried that and some bastards had tried jumping her. I wasn't going to let _that_ happen again. The girl _needed_ protection although whether that was from me I wasn't so sure. Only she knew the answer to that and I supposed, only time would tell.

I reached La Push in less than fifteen minutes. I drove fast, unrestrained by the strict speed limit. Any ticket I received could be paid instantly; money wasn't a problem-factor in _our_ family. As I drove, I couldn't help but reminisce about the "treaty", a law our family and the Quiletutes had created way before Jasper and I had entered their lives.

The "treaty" is and was a law created by my family and the werewolves, a law where neither would fight unless we were found biting a human. Whether they were victims of our kind or in Bella's case, willing undergo the transformation made no difference. It would violate the treaty and a war would be inevitable. Lives, ours and theirs, would be lost amidst the battle which of course begged the question, was it worth it?

Because of these laws, vampires didn't tend to cross the perimeters of La Push. It was like an invisible line but one that held a strong purpose and one that would soon be broken, by _me._

The only logical place I could think Bella would be was at First Beach with Jacob Black. I had seen her visit this place frequently when she was alone, often to contemplate. It was very likely that she would be with Jacob now. He was her rock, her…..safe-home if you will. But I wasn't willing to let her slip from my grasp, not when we were this _damn_ close. I had waited so long for Bella, watched her when she was hurting and I sure as hell wasn't going to let some guy ruin my – _our_ - opportunity.

I pulled into the car park which faced the beach with its beautiful oceanic view and cut the engine. The flickering moonlight touched the dark mound like waves and bounced across them on to the silvery white sand.

I stared across the landscape, searching for any sign of movement and yes, there she was – a silhouette in the moonlight. I strained my eyes, watching as she walked forwards, a smile evident on her illuminated face. My heart rose and fell as another silhouette appeared beside her, this one being much taller with short black hair and masculine face. Jacob, clad in ripped shorts and a grey T-Shirt, despite the cold temperature. And he had his arm around Bella's waist and she had hers around his.

They were close together and I watched with growing apprehension when he leaned into her and she laughed, a sound carried to me by the wind. I could hear the excitement in her shrill voice and see the clear "friendship" that screamed off them. He was her light in the dark. What did that make me? Feeling the envy roll over me, I got out of the car, slamming the door to grab their attention. Jacob's head snapped up seconds before Bella's could register the sound. His fierce brown eyes focused on mine and they burned with a fiery vengeance. His face became cold and bitter and I saw the muscles under his torso stiffen uncomfortably. Bella stared up at his face, a note of apprehension clouding her features and then towards me. Her eyes widened in surprise as she recognized my shape.

She let go of Jacob's arm and to my surprise, he yanked her back, pulling her roughly towards him. She staggered only slightly and I watched with jealously as his face flickered warily from mine to her bewildered face. '_Don't go Bella_,' he pleaded. I was at their sides in less than a second. Bella looked down at my face, shocked and then up at Jacob's whose eyes were searing darkly into mine, displaying an unmanageable amount of hostility.

'Jacob, it's fine,' Bella pleaded when neither of us responded. 'I'm _with her_, its fine.' _That_ got a response. 'What? So she can abandon you like the rest of them? Like _him_? Why Bella? Why trust them?' 'I'm _not_ going to leave,' I snarled.

'You don't know that,' Jacob growled back at me. 'Didn't you think for a _second_ Bella would be better off without you? Or didn't you even consider Bella's feelings?' 'Guys, _stop_,' Bella exclaimed defiantly.

She pushed awkwardly between us, her face alight with fresh anger. 'Just stop. You don't know what you're saying. I'm _going_ home.' She looked at my sad face and hastily added '_By myself_.'

I felt my heart sinking like a stone, like when you just find out terrible news and you realize you've ruined everything for yourself. _What have I done?_ _Oh god_, _I messed up bad. _Bella glanced briefly at the motionless Jacob and then walked briskly across the beach, headed back the way I had come. Jacob and I both watched her go, temporarily shocked to our cores. When he finally looked back at me, his voice was bitter. 'Happy now?' he spat.

He was gone before I had enough time to answer though, bounding across the beach in three strides and I watched him as he disappeared into the darkness. I waited another fifteen minutes, deciding that I would be the least-favorite person Bella would want to see right now. I sat in the car instead and thought about what Jacob had said._ "Didn't you think for a second Bella would be better off without you?" _

Yes, I had thought about that, a thousand times but I always came to the same conclusion and it was always no. Bella _wasn't _better off without me. If anything at all, she seemed more….happy although I had never seen and witnessed what Jacob could give her – a fun normal life - and that made me think twice about my decision. But I had promised I wouldn't leave her and I would stay true to my promise. I wouldn't leave unless Bella sent me away.

I drove back to Bella's home slowly and was relieved to find Charlie wasn't back; I needed the space and time to think logically. The house was quiet when I returned; all lights switched off so I assumed Bella had gone to sleep.

I didn't hold her while she fell asleep that night as I had done previously. I didn't watch her as Edward had once done, sneaking through her window without her knowledge and instead just stayed on the couch, staring at nothing but a blank TV screen. I thought of Bella asleep, her face void of all her fears and worries and felt a pang of intense sadness. Although she may not know it yet, she was slowly slipping from my grasp, falling yes, and Jacob would be there to catch her when she fell; when I _wasn't._ Would she choose him over _me_? I was slowly _losing her, _possibly foreverand the worst part was I had no idea how to stop it from happening.

**Reviews are welcome :-)**


	10. Want You To Want Me

**I would just like to say a huge thank you to my Beta reader! Without your help, I could never have done this. And thank you to my fans as well. You guys are the best!**

'Hey Bella,' I called. It seemed morning could not arrive soon enough. In saying that, it was only eight am and Bella who was in the kitchen looked obviously sleep deprived. She was wearing a white tank top and a much worn pair of tracksuit bottoms and even then, it still somehow made my stomach flutter.

Bella nodded briefly at me as she passed the table to the cupboard and got out a box of cornflakes, fighting back a yawn. I fought back an exasperated sigh. I had a feeling she would react similarly to this and I had not been wrong.

'Bella,' I began. 'Can I talk to you?' She didn't look at me when she replied and simply stared out the window. Yep – she was still angry with me.' What's there to say?' she asked dryly.

'I want to apologize,' I said. 'I'm sorry if I embarrassed you last night but it's only because I care about you and I know you'd do the same for me. I was concerned about you Bella. Who wouldn't be in my place?' 'Well _don't_ be,' she snapped nonchalantly. 'I appreciate the consideration, really Alice I do, but I can protect myself. I spent all of last year with Edward dragging me down. I don't need that from you as well, OK?'

'OK,' I replied calmly. She turned and stared at me for a long unending moment, dumbstruck. 'You mean you're fine with it?' 'Well yeah,' I replied. 'After all, I'm not Edward.' _No, and I wouldn't be his replacement either_.

'No,' she replied. 'You're not.' 'So are we cool?' I asked. She sat down opposite me and looked at her fingers, contemplating. 'Almost,' she smiled. 'I want to know, what was yesterday was _really_ about?'

_What? _

'Like I said, I was concerned,' I repeated in a calm voice. 'Concerned?' she said, arching one eyebrow quizzically.

'OK fine, maybe I was angry,' I understated. What did she want to know? 'After all, it's not like Jacob and I exactly "get along". 'But it runs deeper than that, doesn't it? I saw in your eyes Alice. Look, if you're hiding something, I want to know. _Please Alice_.' 'What does it matter to you?' I asked. I tried to keep my voice casual but it broke; the desperateness in it unavoidable and I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from admitting anything.

'Because I can see it matters to you and if it's important, I want to know. God Alice, what are you hiding from me? Why can't I be friends with you _and_ Jacob?' 'Because it will never be_ enough_,' I exclaimed.

There was an awkward silence. _Oh god no! What had I just said? Did she know? Did she suspect? How could I have let that slip? _ I was afraid to look at her face; afraid to see the repulsion I had been dreading to see. _No_.

'Alice,' she murmured. 'What do you…?' 'I'm sorry Bella,' I interrupted. 'I-I can't do this right now.'

I got up from my seat and heard her voice calling my name as I headed out the door; the frustration in it penetrating. 'Alice,' she called. I heard her chair scraping across the floor in protest, her answering voice full of pity and then her sneakers as she ran towards the door, apparently determined to shake the truth out of me. Why hadn't I told her? Maybe it was because I was afraid; afraid of what I now knew would happen. She would reject me and I couldn't deal with her rejection right now.

I couldn't bear to lose her and yet here I was running from her and a truth I knew I couldn't escape from. I could run but I couldn't hide from it and now she knew I was hiding something.

So today I decided the truth would come out because I could not hold it in any longer. I had waited and waited and torn myself apart over this girl for months. I had tortured myself with fantasizes I knew couldn't ever be real but without her, I was lost.

And ironically, without me, she _was _lost. We had found each other in this dark bottomless pit that had threatened to tear us apart time and time again and yet it never had. It was a miracle we had lasted as long as we had. We only needed to find the light in the darkness.

My cell phone rang then, interrupting my thoughts at once. I looked down at the number I recognized all too well and shut my phone. I would face her and her daunting questions when I was ready which I was sure would not be anytime soon. Bella would go work at the Newton's Outlet but I saw that her mind would be distracted. Her work would be sloppy and occasionally her eyes would glaze over; as if she were somewhere else entirely. Why couldn't I see the outcome of all this?

I didn't go back to her place for the rest of the day, seeing that Charlie would return. I spent the most of the day running through the forest; only so as to clear my mind but to no avail. So maybe Edward _was_ right. We had left to protect Bella and now she would be hurt because of me. I should have kept my feelings to myself and saved Bella and me from this unavoidable grief. How could we remain friends when it took me all my strength not to kiss her right then? _That_ was a no-win situation and so it only left one alternative; something I'd hoped never to pursue.

Another vision entered my mind, again causing me to snap up in surprise. Bella was at the Newton's Outlet as I had seen she would be. Her brown eyes were hard and I saw that her movements were rigid. Mike Newton, a boy at our school appeared beside her, a cocky smile on his lips. Good god! How could that boy _still_ be perusing her after all this time?

'Hey Bella,' he said coolly. Bella nodded in his direction but I saw that her eyes had tightened if that were at all possible and it was obvious she didn't want to be disturbed, particularly by the likes of him. The phrase "take a hint" seemed appropriate right now.

'Boy trouble?' Mike asked casually. Bella turned to face him and only half-smiled which pleased Mike immensely. 'Something like that,' she replied. 'It's er, complicated at the moment.' 'Right,' he answered as if it were the last thing that mattered. 'So does that mean you'll be free Saturday night? Maybe we could go out…..' 'Sorry Mike,' Bella cut him off. 'I'm busy this weekend but I know Jessica would love to go. You and me Mike; it's not going to happen. I have….feelings for someone else.'

"_Someone else?" _Her words echoed melodically in my mind; like a tape recorder set on replay; over and over again.

Did she mean Jacob? Who was I fooling? Of _course _she meant Jacob. Why would Bella harbor any romantic feelings for me – a woman? Somehow I had fallen in love with my best friend and it happened without my even being aware. It was the worst and best thing that had ever happened to me. I hadn't predicted it. I hadn't foreseen it. It had just sort of…..happened. But I knew what these feelings meant and I had not experienced them for so long. I longed for them, longed for Bella and I certainly _didn't _want the feelings to leave.

Falling in love was a strange, mystical and somewhat confusing experience that deep down, we all yearned for. We didn't choose who we fell in love with but with love came consequences. I _lusted _for Bella, lusted more than I had for anyone else even Jasper and I wanted her so badly it physically and emotionally hurt. When I was with her, I felt alive with adrenaline; as if somehow my deadened heart could still rise and fall. And indeed it did. My frozen icicled heart sang for Bella Swan. I_ wanted_ to be the one whose shoulder she could always cry on, I wanted to be her "Jacob Rock", I _wanted_ to be the one she would lose her virginity to, not Jacob or some other man. The thoughts of her in somebody else's arms made my skin crawl.

I laughed out loud! As inexplicable as it sounds, my laughter filled this dark void, erupting from my chest in violent bursts as my soles touched the undergrowth beneath me. How had I ever fallen in love with a girl like Bella Swan? And as much as I knew it would hurt I couldn't force myself to regret the decision to tell her because the time I had known Bella had been the best of my life and apparently, of hers.

I ran, not needing to pause for a rest, back to Charlie's house and waited until I was sure he was not there before going in. Bella would return later and I would be there to welcome her. If she wanted to know the truth, I would tell her how I felt. I wouldn't run from the truth any longer. And if she didn't want me, which I assumed would be the outcome I would not do as Edward had done. I would stay here until she sent me away. I'd promised to stay right? And I would only be as bad as Edward if I broke my promise.

Suddenly the phone rang.

'Swan Residence,' I said into the phone feeling like an utter fool. '_Alice_?' the startled voice demanded. I recognized the voice immediately and fought back a triumphant smirk. 'What's up pup?' I asked bitterly. He was the last person on my "enemy list" I wanted to speak to right now. _Bella, where the hell are you?_ My mental voice screamed.

'I want to speak to Bella,' Jacob demanded.

'She's not home.'

'Yeah, that figures.'

'Good.'

_Awkward! _

'Jacob, I need to ask you something and _please_ don't give me any crap. Are you and Bella…?' I hesitated not wanting to say the word out loud.

'_Together_?' he asked. _Thank you_. 'I don't get why it would matter to you leech but if you must know, we're not and let me tell you, it sucks big time. She has feelings for someone else.'

_Who the hell is it?_

'Yeah, I know,' I replied. And now I was agreeing with the mutt. We had something in common. What was I thinking?

'You know?' he repeated.

Oh great. Should I tell Jacob about my feelings? Should I scream it to the entire population of Forks? Yeah, why not? Why not broadcast it on national television?

'Alice, what are you…..' _Here it comes_ I thought.

'Oh…God. You….._like_ …..Bella?'

It went on like that for several more seconds until I finally felt the need to shut him up. I almost felt pity for the poor mongrel. _Almost_.

'Jake, relax,' I said and I chuckled nervously. 'She doesn't know yet. But she will.' _Why was I telling him this? _

'This is….awkward,' he grunted. 'Hang up?' I asked. 'Yeah,' he replied.

'Bye pup.'

'Yeah, bye leech.'

We both hung up at the same time. I stared at the phone for a moment and only one word entered my mind.

_Awkward! _

Approximately an hour later, Bella came home! My heart soared at the sight of her as she tripped outof her truck. The crazy part of me wanted to go over to her and wrap her tightly in my arms and to never let go. Another part remained sane and I waited outside on the porch in the dim flickering light.

'Hey Alice!' Bella cried. 'You locked out?' She came up the steps and then stopped, her eyes level with mine and then to my utter surprise and pleasure, she leaned past me to get her key in the lock. For a moment, her shoulder brushed mine and her hair cascaded over my neck. I froze on the spot, feeling the muscles under my torso stiffen at the sudden proximity. The girl was all over me! And what could I do about it? Damn it!

'Alice,' Bella said. How could I speak coherently with herso close? I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from doing something stupid. I felt drawn to cup her cheeks in my hands or lightly trace the outline of her lips with my fingers. When I didn't respond immediately, Bella stepped backwards and examined my face.

'Alice, are you OK? We don't _have_ to talk about earlier….' 'No, I think we should. We need to talk about "us". I know somewhere we can go.' 'Sure Ali. Lead the way,' she smiled. _Why was she so happy for crying out loud? Frustrating was what it was! _

I smiled ruefully and hopped down from the porch, followed by a swift Bella. She didn't ask why we were headed into the forest or why we needed to talk about "us". The pathway was clear of branches, twigs or anything remotely dangerous to the uncoordinated so Bella surprised me by grabbing hold of my granite hand and squeezing it tightly. I looked her, confused and she whispered 'So I don't fall.'

I enjoyed the warmth emanating from her hand and into mine as we walked hand-in-hand along the pathway as if we were innocent enough kids, but I yearned for it to be more. Did this mean something more to her? I didn't lead her towards Edward's meadow as she might assume – a lush green place of peace that he and Bella had frequented often - as I didn't want memories of him to interfere.

The clearing I had in mind was high up, away from Forks, and was always occupied by several fireflies that would dance and "light up", causing the whole place to glow in the fading light. The clearing looked down upon the small town of Forks and its houses, its street lights illuminating the sea of darkness below. The clearing was beautiful in the day and at night and was one of the many undiscovered places not yet marred by humans. It was here that I came to think and contemplate. When we arrived in the clearing five minutes later, Bella gasped out loud and let go of my hand, her face alight with enthusiasm and chocolate eyes wide and trusting.

'Oh wow!' she gasped. 'This place is like, amazing! It's so….airyand light. How did you find this place Alice?' 'Oh you know, it was around,' I replied glibly. 'It's beautiful,' she smiled. And I had to smile at that and when her eyes met mine, my body surged and pulsed with desire.

'No, you're beautiful,' I said sadly, thinking of her reaction to what I was about to say. 'Ah Alice; you're too kind and you're the one who's beautiful. In fact, you're probably the most gorgeous person I've ever known. Really, I mean that.' I replayed her reply in my mind and I saw that she meant it.

She stood a little in front of me in the middle of the clearing and I leaned towards her and rested my chin on the back of her shoulder comfortingly. She leaned back into my supporting arms, and I trembled with excitement and anticipation. 'Don't put yourself down,' I murmured softly into her scented hair. She continued to lean against me, occasionally sighing gently while I felt her body relax into the shape of mine and I felt all my dead human senses convulse into life. I would have been happy to hold her like this forever and I lingered over the moment, not wanting to end it with what I had to say.

'Bella,' I whispered softly into her ear, conveying the tenderness I felt for this venerable human perfectly. She rested her head on my shoulder and blinked up at me and again, I felt my body surge uncontrollably, quivering with pure pleasure.' There's something I need to tell you,' I began somberly.

I turned her round so she could face me without my losing my contact with her. My fingers entwined automatically through hers. Bella stared at me, eyes wide with curiosity. 'Tell me,' she whispered and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up straight. I forced myself to focus on her face and to say the words I'd longed and feared to say coherently.

'Bella, these past days with you have been simply….amazing. We've had our ups and downs I know but none of that really matters. I promised I'd be here for you and Bella, I will be, but I'll understand if you want to give up on me.' I paused for a second and scrutinized her face. '_Give up on you_!' she exclaimed. She sounded bewildered and I noticed that her fingers had tightened anxiously around mine.

'I literally gave Edward hell for what he did to you but the truth is; you don't know how much someone can really mean to you until they're gone. And Bella, when you weren't in my life any longer, when I couldn't "see" you it was just awful.' I sounded desperate but I was determined to continue. 'It took me a while to figure out what was happening to me and then I realized I was falling out of love with Jasper and in love with somebody else.'

Again I paused but Bella urged me to go on, her face anxious and voice slightly shaky. 'Tell me who?' she pleaded and I released her fingers and held her to me, pressing my body yet closer to hers, waist to waist, hip to hip, breast to breast. She stared intently at me, breathless, eyes determined and burning into mine with a feverish compulsion I had never seen before. Her hands in turn tightened securely around my waist, holding me there while she waited.

'Bella,' I whispered, searching for the right words. 'What I'm trying to say is that I…..I….' I paused and then looked up at her face, meeting her gaze for a second that seemed to last an eternity.

'I love you.'

**Thoughts? This chapter was very hard to write for some reason. I literally have no experience with things like this but hey, it is my first attempt! Hope you like it! **


	11. Perfect Match

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters!**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! This chapter is only short but there will be more to come shortly. As always, enjoy and don't be afraid to post a review! I appreciate the feedback! **

'I love you,' I confessed.

There.

I'd finally done it. Now bring the walls down on me so I don't have to deal with her torturous rejection that would soon follow. Our bodies were still pressed tightly together, the palm of my hand resting on her hip and her arm still round my waist but I was unable to draw away, afraid to let her go and of what it meant if I did.

The silence that had inevitably descended on us was literally petrifying. _Say something; _I hunted desperately but all I was able to mutter was 'S-Sorry,' and even then, it sounded false. The truth was that I didn't regret telling her, not even a little. I wasn't afraid of the truth; I was only afraid of losing her.

'Alice,' Bella whispered and her voice was a monotone in the airy stillness. 'You love me?' she murmured. Her voice conveyed her surprise but her hold only tightened as she brought her face and lips closer to mine. I could feel and taste her thick breath on my neck and I instinctively tensed in anxiety, looking anywhere but her eyes.

'Yes and Bella, I _needed_ to tell you; I couldn't hold it in any longer. You don't have to say anything and I promise I'll leave if that's what you want!' '_Alice_,' Bella pleaded.

She placed a finger to my cold marble lips, immediately silencing me as I took in her breath-taking image. 'What makes you think I'd give up on you so easily?' she asked. 'I never would have dreamed I would meet a guy like Edward when I chose to move here but if not for him, I never would have met _you_ and I'm sincerely grateful for that. I never imagined we would be here now, professing our love for one another. And I do Alice. I love you so, so much. I've even tried telling you a few times but I was afraid. I guess now it doesn't matter.'

Then she laughed shakily and looked down at the undergrowth beneath us. 'We're ridiculous aren't we?' she said with a smile. I grinned and forced her to face me, cupping her cheeks with both my hands and then holding her gaze there. 'Maybe we are,' I agreed. 'But why should that matter when I love you?'

We stared at each other for a long never-ending moment, her eyes burning into mine with a yearning I had never seen in them before. God she was beautiful. Then without warning she leaned impulsively towards me and brushed my lips fleetingly with hers, as if we were saying goodbye.

'Sorry,' she mumbled in embarrassment; that blush again creeping into her flushed face. Then she smirked as if she had just been caught doing something she shouldn't have done. 'No,' I exclaimed. 'Don't ever apologize for _that_. It was …great.'

We both smiled at one another, happy and almost laughing with relief that all the guesswork was now over. I loved her and she loved me. And what more could I ask for? I instinctively tightened my embrace and in turn, she tightened hers, our bodies drawing closer and closer together as if to merge ourselves into one being.

The mood slowly changed to one of undeniable, irresistible joy, discovery and happiness. I slowly reached up and pushed a strand of her hair away from her face, away from her lips and then as if in slow motion and with a surge of desire akin to a tidal wave, my lips found hers; warm, soft and yielding. I could taste the faint traces of her cherry lip balm and smell the scent of her shampooed hair and feel the heat emanating from her skin.

And then world surrounding us disappeared and there was only us, clinging to each other as if our very lives depended on it and we were not able to let go.

Our lips continued to move in synchrony and in perfect harmony, the music only growing stronger and more urgent with each phrase. I longed for more though. I traced the outline of her cheeks with my tongue and then, with a surge of adrenaline, our tongues entwined and danced together. She gave out a small ecstatic moan and I felt pure exhilaration course through me, seeping into my bloodless veins as she pressed her body closer to mine. It was…..heaven.

Eventually our lips parted, she breathless. We held each others gaze for a long incredulous moment; chocolate melting into butterscotch. Her breath was uneven and we both sank to our knees and into the soft and slightly damp grass. I leaned my forehead affectionately against hers, letting my cool fingers play with the buttons of her blouse. She smiled at me, not speaking.

'Do you want to go home?' I asked quietly. She shook her head triumphantly. 'Nope. Let's just stay here for now. It's so peaceful.' I understood perfectly. 'Sure Bella,' I replied. 'Whatever my girl wants.' 'I want _you_,' she replied, grimacing. 'Come closer,' I murmured softly and she nodded in response, exuberant at the prospect.

I gently kissed the nape of her neck, letting my lips linger on her skin and drinking in the sensuality of the moment. She reached up and delicately ran her fingers through my short tousled hair, her touch pure joy. When our lips met seconds afterward, it was more fervent this time _if_ that were possible. My arms wound around her body like vines of their own accord and her body echoed mine. We both moaned, enjoying the ecstasy while it remained. But it appeared exhaustion had the better of her. She smiled and sleepily closed her eyes, content as can be in my arms.

I thought a lot while she slept. I remembered my words with Jacob Black and the fear that he and Bella were together; the new "Edward and Bella" if you will. I remembered my relief when I found they were not an item and the panic I had felt when I had finally told Bella my feelings for her. It all seemed very insignificant; especially now when we were here in this clearing, clasped in each others embrace. I remembered seeing her eyes light up when I'd told her and replayed over and over the memory of our first kiss in my mind, which was still crystal clear. And all this time she had loved me and I just hadn't realized it.

Thinking back on our time spent together, her feelings for me seemed very obvious now. I thought of how she had held me and buried her face in my chest that night we had slept together, arms wound around each other as if clinging on for dear life. I thought about how she would suddenly grasp my hand and hold it tightly in hers whenever we so much as watched a horror movie together and the fact that she _wasn't _afraid to get close to me, hold me and occasionally kiss my forehead; lips always lingering and always it appeared, reluctant to draw away. All the things she might have done with Edward she had done with me, except kissing of course, until now. She had chosen me over him because she loved me. I was _her_ Alice. How had I been so blind all this time?

So when Bella had arrived in Forks High School who would have known it would be _me_ she would eventually fall for? I looked down at the sleeping girl in my arms, smiling despite my intrusive thoughts of Jacob and hugged her closer to me, wanting nothing more than to feel her lips move against mine again. And yet somehow, we were the perfect match.

**Thoughts? They'll be more to come! :-) **


	12. And Two Makes One

**Disclaimer: You know this by now! I don't own these characters. This was written for entertainment purposes only!**

**And here's another chapter – sorry for the late update. I know what it's like to wait. This chapter is slightly "lemon-scented" by the way! Enjoy and review :-). **

'You should go indoors honey. Charlie's been worried,' I advised. We stood a little outside the perimeter of the forest watching the windows of the white-shuttered house, where the nearest tree overhung Bella's window, blocking out all remaining sunlight and through which I would creep through later.

It was now early morning. Our hands had been entwined since we'd left the clearing, Bella content to squeeze my hand and jump up and onto my strong back where her laugh filled the air around us, causing my dead heart to swell with anticipation. Now though, she whirled round to face me, her face possessing a worrisome expression that was full of doubt and concern. Her eyes burned into mine and I hated seeing the mistrust that plagued their shadowy depths.

'Bella, as much as I love you, Charlie won't be pleased to see me. And if he knew….' 'I know,' Bella replied in a gentle voice that conveyed her newly revealed affection. I squeezed her hand tightly, reassuringly and to my content, she returned the pressure.

'Fine, I'll go inside. You'll wait for me?' she asked. 'I'm not going anywhere,' I promised. Then, with a devilish smile, I playfully slapped her ass and winked when she shot me a series of glares. I laughed and said in a cheerful voice 'I'll see you in no time.'

She reluctantly let go of my hand and I felt the heat drain from it almost instantaneously. It was like when you step outside of a cool swimming pool and your entire body is overcome with cold. Reluctantly she walked away from me and then paused, a look of trepidation swaying across her features. 'What about us? I mean, does he _have_ to know about us yet?' I chuckled out loud, hoping to reassure her. 'We'll tell him when we're ready Bella. There's no hurry.' 'Sure Alice,' Bella smiled. 'So long as we're together, I don't really care.'

I watched with a guarded expression as she approached the house, never taking my eyes off of her. From inside, I heard Charlie's annoyed unintelligible grumbling, a string of profanities, a coffee mug being slammed down and then heavy footsteps which obviously belonged to Charlie.

'Dad,' Bella called. 'Bella!' gasped an overly relieved Charlie. 'Where the hell have you been? I've been.…..' He faltered and I heard Bella mumble a reply which wasn't necessarily a lie. 'Sorry dad,' I heard her say. 'I-I would have called but I guess my cell phone was dead and err, I was staying the night with a friend. I'm really sorry I didn't call but I won't do it again I swear.' 'Was it Jacob?' Charlie probed and I couldn't help but note a hint of optimism in his voice; too bad for him as he would only be disappointed.

'Err, no dad. I was with Alice. I guess I fell asleep at her place.' 'Humph,' Charlie grumbled. 'Well I'm glad you're back safe. You almost gave your ol' dad a heart attack. Don't do that to me again Bells.' 'Sorry.' 'It's OK,' he replied. 'Just warn me in the future, 'kay?' 'You got it,' Bella promised.

Seconds later, I heard footsteps climbing the stairs but they were cut short when Charlie yelled 'Bella!' She groaned and then paused. I hesitated momentarily before leaping agilely and effortlessly up the tree that grew outside her bedroom window, grasping branches to help my momentum but stopped short when I heard Charlie say "dating".

_What in the hell?_

'What?' Bella cried incredulously, echoing my thoughts. Charlie grunted anxiously. 'Well, it's been months since….since he left and you seem a lot happier now, specially now Alice is back but that won't be permanent Bells. So, what do you think of err, dating? How do you feel about dating agencies? I swear it's just an option. And if you don't like it, it's fine. Jacob seems nice, right?'

I knew how Bella's eyes would flash dangerously at the words "dating" and "agency", as though they were something toxic or deadly. The thought of Bella dressing up fancily and going out to meet strange and unfamiliar young men was more than a little intimidating, especially for the uncoordinated. Now though, she laughed casually. 'Dad, I love Jacob as a friend, really I do but he's not really my type. And besides, my heart's already been stolen.' _By Alice Cullen_ I added wickedly. 'Well, okay then,' Charlie answered uncertainly.

Before he could ask by whom, Bella had retreated hastily up the stairs and I heard her bedroom door slam shut. Her eyes fell on where I was perched on the bed, a wistful smile on my lips. She didn't hesitate joining me, collapsing against the pillow and casually slipping her arm around my waist. 'So dating huh? Sounds fun! Can I be your date?' I teased. 'I am _not_ dating!' Bella exclaimed in defiance. I laughed out loud and she continued in that same stubborn tone. 'And besides, _wait_, you heard what I said?' 'Every word,' I confirmed. 'Oh.'

I noticed her cheeks reddening and immediately I felt my mouth fill with venom as I struggled with the desire to taste her blood on my tongue, which to humans would be the equivalent of a swirling chocolate fountain. Her piercing screams echoed again and again in my mind although I ignored them, shoving such shameful thoughts out of my head altogether. I felt ashamed to have had them. I realized then why she must feel so embarrassed.

"_My heart's already been stolen." _'You stole mine too,' I said quietly. She smiled only slightly and rolled on to her back. I hedged closer, wanting to remain in contact with her. 'Alice, can I ask you something?' she asked eventually. 'I'm all yours,' I replied, meaning it. 'B-Before you came back to me, you were with Jasper right?' I flinched at the name of my ex-husband. I may be deeply and passionately in love with Bella but that didn't necessarily mean I had forgotten about him. Bella's eyes watched mine and she drew away when I hesitated, aware of my wince. 'I shouldn't have said anything,' she muttered guiltily. 'I've hurt you.' 'No Bella, you haven't,' I disagreed. It was my problem and I would have to deal with it. Instead I gulped (although it wasn't exactly necessary) and asked in a voice that didn't echo my feelings 'What do you want to know?'

'What happened?'

'Well, when we moved away from Forks and left you behind, he was very….subdued. He despised himself for what he had almost done to you, claming that he wasn't good enough to be one of us – a vegetarian that is – and he couldn't trust himself. He refused to go to school like the rest of us because he couldn't risk hurting anyone else, not after what had happened at your birthday.' 'But it was an accident,' Bella protested guiltily. I should have known she would feel bad.

I know,' I agreed solemnly. 'But that doesn't mean he forgives himself. You know it was never easy for Jasper. He had hunted humans, like traditional vampires so when we sought out Carlisle and his family years afterward, it was challenging for him; to be around humans constantly and not feel the need to kill them. I guess it's easier for some of us although you're blood was particularly tempting Bella.'

'He'll never forgive himself for what he did Bella but he will move on gradually. When we left you, we began to grow apart. It was slow at first but the difference between us was significant. He was subdued and my mind was preoccupied. He visited Tanya's family in Denali a lot of the time and I spent time researching my "human family", not that the results were all that appealing. Later, I began to feel things for you, things I never imagined I could feel for another girl and I realized I loved you more than I did him. So I acted on impulse and I decided to tell him. He was shocked and saddened by this revelation but he said he wanted what was best for me, so he went back to Denali and stayed with Tanya's coven. He visits sometimes but we both wanted different things. I wanted you, Bella.'

'I'm so sorry,' Bella mumbled, as if someone had recently died. 'It's okay,' I assured her. 'We feel what we feel and we can't change that. I love you Bella, not him. I've always loved you.' 'Kiss me Alice?' she whispered and her voice was deeper than I had ever heard it, almost a purr.

Without waiting for an answer, she drew closer to me, slipping her fingers under the hem of my blouse and onto the small of my back while our lips connected slowly. And who was I to refuse? I bit down softly on her bottom lip and she let rip a slightly muffled moan, sending me half insane with desire for her. I sensed I was pressing all the right buttons and she knew _exactly_ how to tempt me. We kissed even more passionately, tongues entwining but then Bella pulled abruptly away so as to examine my face, her hands returning to the small of my back. She might possibly have set my soul on fire. 'I want you so badly,' she murmured. My eyes widened in surprise. She wanted to take this to the next stage? Was she ready? Was _I _ready? What if...what if...

When I didn't respond immediately, Bella took her hands away from my back and took one of my hands in hers, placing it over her breast and across her heart. 'I mean it Alice,' she said. I lost all control then and let my body feel what _it_ needed to feel, what _we_ needed to feel. In that instant, I felt one with the Swan girl. Again our lips moved rhythmically over one another and it was the same as last night. All the tension had evaporated into nothingness and all that was left were blurring sensations as our bodies, hands and mouths moved over one another.

'Ohh, Bella,' I whimpered as her silky lips caressed my neck. She let her hands trail across the contours of my body and I felt sensations I had not experienced in a long, long time. I wished we could have the house to ourselves. Was one night too much to ask? Our lips parted for a second and she instinctively held me closer to her, wanting more; one hand reaching up to tousle in my spiky hair.

_Oh God_.

I heard Charlie's pounding footsteps and I groaned in exasperation as I rolled over on to my back. Bella stared at me with pleading and confused eyes. 'Alice….' Her voice was strained. She reached for me and I shook my head dismissively. 'Charlie,' I said emotionlessly, inclining my head towards the bedroom door. Registration swept across her face as she followed my gaze.

'Crap,' she mumbled. She pulled down her T-Shirt and I grinned toothily, sensing her inner frustration. I realized my hands were still touching her in places that would be forbidden to "just-friends" and hastily pulled them away, fearful that Charlie would enter the room any second and see us like this.

At that precise moment, Charlie knocked on the door and opened it. Bella and I immediately put on our charade. We were just two friends hanging out. 'Hey Bells and err, Alice; didn't see you come in. You two okay?' 'We're fine,' Bella exclaimed and her voice rose an octave higher than per usual. We both glanced at her worrisomely. Charlie said 'Oh, well good.'

There was an awkward silence where nobody appeared to know what to say or do. That was my cue. 'What's up Charlie?' I asked, interrupting his train of thoughts and sensing his immediate discomfort at once. His eyes flashed warily to my face and away again, suddenly unsure of himself.

'No, no, nothing. I got a call from the station some five minutes ago. Some animal was found drained of blood not too long ago; a deer. They think maybe….anyway, I gotta go down there.' He trailed off and glanced at Bella with an expression that appeared to say "stay out of trouble".

'Its fine dad,' Bella assured him, sensing his concern for our safety. 'We'll stay indoors. Be safe out there okay?' He nodded briefly, avoiding my quizzical stare. 'Always am,' he replied bluntly. 'I'll be back around 9ish. Don't wait up.'

He nodded once in my direction and then exited the room, closing the door loudly behind him. We waited in shocked silence, listening to his retreating footsteps and then to the engine roaring into life, tires screeching in protest while he reversed. We sat still for a long moment, not speaking, not touching and certainly not kissing.

'So…' Bella muttered uncertainly as a way of filling this void. I glanced at her stricken face, feeling her newfound dismay. 'Are you OK?' I asked. 'Yeah,' she replied, momentarily embarrassed. 'That was close, right?' 'Tell me about it,' I agreed. There was another silence. Finally Bella said 'I think I need to eat. Some of us _actually_ need to eat down here!' I smiled weakly at her while Bella stared at me in mystification. I opened my mouth to speak.

'I'm cooking!'

Good Grief!

That girl could eat although I supposed it was only to be expected seeing as she hadn't eaten since God knows when. Being a vampire who relished blood rather than human food, it was easy to forget little things like average human necessities. And human food was particularly foul or at least to our kind. The smell alone was enough to cause nausea. Now though, she sat peacefully on the couch, feet up on Charlie's beer-stained coffee table clad only in a skimpy tank-top and boot cut jeans which were slightly ripped at the kneecaps, as was the fashion these days. I should know. I gazed at her fondly, trying to suppress my desires and unwelcome urges.

I joined her eagerly on the couch and immediately pulled her head against my granite shoulder, loving the closeness between us. We had been close as friends but certainly never romantically inclined. Or had we? Who knows? I wondered how long she had had feelings for me before she had finally acknowledged them. Were they present when she and Edward had been dating? Or when they had broken up a few days after her fateful birthday party? Or when we had left her in desolation? Had she ever truly loved Edward? Or had he and Jasper simply been our "in between" guys? Bella turned and looked down at me, a coy smile creeping across her cherubic features.

'Can I ask you something?' she asked. 'Go ahead,' I replied casually. 'Have you ever….' She faltered and blushed, her face doing its usual impersonation of a beetroot tomato. I said 'Have I what?' She hesitated briefly, hunting for the right words. 'Changed anyone?' she finally blurted out.

_Change? Oh crap!_

I can't say I hadn't been expecting this because honestly, I had. Now we were officially together, it was only natural that she would choose immortality. And I would have been lying if I said I hadn't thought about it either. Life without Bella Swan was hard to imagine. Imagining her dying was harder. The possibilities though were endless. She sensed my reluctance to answer but misinterpreted it and went on to say 'So long as I'm human, there will always be a chance that I may lose you the same way I lost _him_. I know it's probably ridiculous right? It's just, when I lost Edward, I lost you and I couldn't bear living through that same ordeal again. I'd probably go insane. I just don't want to lose you Alice. Uh oh, that does sound cliché doesn't it?'

Slowly, I bent forwards to kiss her forehead, allowing my lips to linger on her skin for a long moment. She closed her eyes, obviously comforted and I smiled in gratification.

'Yeah Bella, it does. But I'm not Edward,' I assured her. 'I only wanted to be _your_ Alice. And I know better than to let you go. And to answer your original question, no, I haven't changed anyone. I guess I've never had to make that sort of decision. And as you probably know, it's a very dangerous and not to mention _long _process. You Bella would be withering in immense agony for days. It would feel like you were being stabbed from the inside, your body would be killing you slowly and painfully. You would feel the equivalent of dead and would probably beg to be put out of your misery. I'm not sure I could bear watching you. It's so easy to lose control. You have no idea how tightly bound we are.'

I remembered the time when that bastard known as James had almost killed her and when biting her would have been the only solution to save her life. My family and I had killed the man who'd done this to her and then attended to Bella's deadly wounds. My biting her may have been a solution had Edward not had the courage to it himself. I knew then that I loved the Swan girl and that she loved me, as a friend. I would have been prepared to take the risks if it meant preserving her life a little longer. It had only been an option at the time and one I had hoped not to pursue. I got lucky. Now it would be _our_ choice. And if the process was successful, she would be a monster, a murderer, an animalistic creature that preyed on innocents but deep down, she would be still _my _Bella and that somehow made it more excusable.

'Alice, I can withstand any pain, no matter how traumatizing if it means being with you for all eternity,' Bella said stubbornly. 'Please don't lie to me Alice. I want _you_ to be the one to do it.' I grimaced sadly 'You're too altruistic,' I said and hastily added 'I've had visions of you Bella. And I've seen you _dying_ in my arms. They terrify me Bella. I know Edward wasn't prepared to sacrifice your life for the sake of being with you but I am, and that petrifies me.' 'Don't be,' Bella whispered softly. 'I have faith in you Alice, and I trust you. I'm stronger than you know.'

_Yeah, and that was exactly what I was afraid of_ I thought dryly. We sat in a long silence where time appeared to stand still and where our thoughts could run wild. Eventually when weariness appeared to take advantage of her, she got up, groaning as she did and said 'I'm going for a shower. See you in a few, yeah?' I nodded as she got off the couch and headed enticingly in the direction of the stairs, pausing once to grin at me while I visualized her in the shower, warm water glistening across her flawless body.

I shuddered delicately and forced myself to concentrate on something other than her. God, this was unnerving. Did I have no self-control whatsoever? But then who could blame me? Months of unrequited love had obviously gotten the better of me. Finally, temptation overpowered everything and I followed faster than human eyes could probably comprehend; only pausing to slow when I reached the top of the stairs. As I crept closer to the bathroom door I could hear the water splashing heavily in the bath and I knew she would not be able to hear me come in.

I turned the knob slowly and contemplatively, listening with super-human hearing as I entered the bathroom. I stood frozen just inside the door. Unfortunately – fortunately? – the shower curtain hid her face from my view. I stepped forwards and couldn't help the giggle which exploded out of me. She swept the curtain aside and started when she saw me, frozen, then drew in a few shaky breaths, eyes wide with unashamed anticipation. I smiled and drew closer. The warm water continued to run across her face and splashed on to me. My eyes traveled lustfully over her body and finally up to meet her wide smiling eyes. She murmured softly '_Alice_, what a surprise!' I grinned.

Slowly I slipped off my clothes, enjoying every moment of this, and slowly stepped into the shower beside her. She did not push me away or tell me to get out. We looked at each other for a while, keenly aware of each others close proximity. I stepped forwards and felt her soapy body grind against mine as she curled her fingers through my spiky hair and tilted my face up towards hers. The atmosphere surrounding us suddenly felt very thick. I could hear Bella's irregular heartbeat as she stared into the depths of my eyes and hear my own unnecessary breath as I gazed longingly into hers. I marveled at her beauty and the erotic sensations her silky skin evoked in mine. A bead of sweat appeared on her forehead but it was immediately washed away.

We were finally alone and able to express ourselves fully without any disturbing interruptions from a certain someone. I had imagined this moment so many times and I had waited so long and now it was actually happening, I feared that this was just another beautiful fantasy that lived only in my imagination. Bella stared at me with an expression that appeared to say "What are you waiting for?" and I knew I would have been a fool to keep my lover waiting.

Then the floodgates opened and I crashed my lips eagerly to hers once again, leaving absolutely no space between us. All those steps we had been too shy or embarrassed to take suddenly became second nature and there was no longer any gentleness to the way our lips moved in the fight for dominance. '_Alllice_,' she moaned, as my hands roamed freely over her body, feeling where her "sweet spots" were. And God, that was sexy. Our bodies ground together as though to form one and we both moaned audibly, making no attempt to stifle our inner pleasure. My body was alive with raging fire; electricity shot through me like a thousand lightening bolts and the world around us just melted into complete nothingness. Did I affect _her_ this way? My energy surged and I felt as though I could power an entire city because when we were together like this, we were all that mattered. We were like an unstoppable and uncontainable force and for the first time in a long, long time, I felt…..whole.

**Yay! So I didn't want to ruin this chapter by adding a complete lemon! Either way, I hope you enjoy it and as always, feedback is welcome. Oh, and I've got big plans coming up for these two :-)**


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